A Soccer Nightmare

There was an open field
          of green,

 But men placed lines,
     of white         
  to give it purpose,

Eleven boys,
   Against the robotic challengers,

    The programmed best,
        in the world,
   
      They were calfs to the slaughter,

Upper nighty header,
   No problem,

 Laser Banana Kick from corner,
    Done,

   Pinpoint traps,
    Passing with triganomic percision,
     Like only a computer could.

 It was 22-0 when we went to half time.
   And the coaches took us across the field,
     So they could yell without the fans hearing,

I was tired...
   And my knees felt old,
     What the fuck am I doing playing soccer?

The field slowly turned,
   from brilliant green,
  to a decaying black,

Everyone saw it, But the coaches called it nerves,
  I blinked and it was back to normal,
     I guess I was cracking under pressure,

Unfortunately I was guarding the best robot on the other team,
    And letting 10 goals go by me,
    Wasn't fucking acceptable

But frankly I didn't mind being benched.
      I could relax and watch the game,

I really could use some Gatorade,
   And a soft pretzel,

The lights on the field slowly truned on,
   as the coaches finished their lecture,
   and as we began to walk back across the field
      it started to rain.

   Hopefully i don't have to go back in, 

I went to the end of the bench
            furthest from the coaches,
    and sat down ever so gently,

  But the bench was a foot off the ground,
     As i sat down the vibrations ran down the bleacher,

    The coaches noticed me,
      Eying me to get ready,
   To put my body through pain,

I begun
 to stretch to pray,

When a spotlight shined on me,
   as well as a couple other players to come say hello,
     to the troops returning home,

they were in the grandstands
                and I had no problem giving up
 what so ever playing time,
   To hang out and talk..

As I made my way up the grand stands,
   And noticed a wire on the bleachers.

I accidently kicked it,
   and triggered hush amongst the crowd.

I noticed a spark come from the wire,
    And a man quickly reached for it,
     But it slipped his grasp,
  And fell under the grandstands,

There was an intake of air,
    as the crowds mouths opened wide

And a shrill cry,
  Made the hair on my back stand straight,

I turned around
     to see what was going on the field,

  To notice the machines malfunctioning,

             But

     Combined with the wet conditions,

                   It caused the units to spark out,

          electrocuting every person on the field,

             And                          

           There body's shook uncontrollably.

RV Trip to Maine Part 4 of 8

I woke up shivering on the the ass palace slightly hung over from the previous nights absorbent consumption of alcohol.  The most interesting man in the world "aka Derick" was the first to arise.  And he decided to make a deal and go check out the shower facilities.  Adam was playing "Susie home maker" again and was checking to see what we had to eat for breakfast while I decided to go out and check the water.

I was surprised to find that it must be low tide because you had a good 30 to 40 yards of walking space as compared to yesterday before you hit the water.  I searched for shells on the beach giving up rather quickly because the only thing there were snails shells.  I walked back to the RV and Derick was using his tequila soap gloating about how nice the bathroom was.  I decided since i didn't shower the previous two nights and sleeping on ass palace it would be nice to get rid of my man stench.

However by the time Derick left the bathroom and I entered someone busted the most nasty stink bomb  in the world (like someone had taco night at the RV park).  Don't get me wrong it was the cleanest public bathroom I've ever been in, but it was small , and the shower stall was in the same room with the toilets.  I believe at this point I was ready to call my doctor up and get checked out for pink eye...

However now squeaky clean, I made my way back to the RV used the tequila soap and then down to the beach, since everyone was moving like molasses.  In my free time I caught up on writing the story so far and  decided to take some pictures and text some people gloating that I didn't have to work today.  I met Nate on the beach talking to his kid and I again was on my quest to find a couple shells..  Fucking snails.

10 minutes later we were back at the RV, packing up.  It was my turn to drive so I had the great white hope (Matt) help me back up the castle and we made our first dump.  First dump was basically hooking up a hose to our RV and released the pee (mostly from Nate) and back water.  We released the back water first, and half way through we realized it would be smart to release the pee first so the backwater would at least rinse the pee out. (GOOD RV TIP).

Hopping back in the RV with deals mcgirk (Derick) as my co-pilot we made our way from Belfast to Acadia National Park.  Before we reached there though we decided to stop at the global beverage warehouse in Lamoine ME.  It was pretty fancy and instead of getting cases we ended up buying a bunch of 6 packs.  I found the mix a 6 with a lobster beer that looked kind of cool while the guys were talking with the manager getting recommendations on what to drink.  Matt went a little overboard on his selection picking a untold amount of IPAs, what's funny is I just found the last IPA from the trip in my fridge.. Cheers...


Our bill was pretty outrageous to say the least, but the manager gave us a 5 percent discount after we told him a little about our adventure.  We piled back in the RV and the guys in the back cracked open a beer while I drove us down the road, our first stop of the day was to Cadillac Mountain.  It wasn't that high of a mountain but because of the altitude Matt thought he might get burnt and went back for sun tan lotion.

It was an amazing place, with far out views, me Derick and Nate walked around the short mountain trail and found a store where we bought a bar harbor bar which is basically  ice cream cookie dunked in chocolate. We eventually found Matt and Adam again and they joked they could hear me laughing the whole time but couldn't tell which direction it came from.  But we decided it was time for a group picture and here it is.



After our mini photo shoot we came down the mountain and made our way to sandy beach.  The water was balls cold and someone found a crab..  Since I had a football we decided to play a 2v2 with me being the all time QB.  We outlined a small field and Derrick and Nate ended up beating Matt and Adam 3 to 2 (the guys did a good job dodging the minefield of rocks in the end zone).  The key moment in the game was a stop on the one yard line and a turnover on downs.  After a short pass, Nate did a streak down the sideline and beat Adam for a game winning TD.  (The big guy beat mr marathon down the side line, hahaha never though I would see that)

We then stopped at the thunder hold which was not thunderous as some of the asses I've been around this trip and we went away disappointed.  We continued to our campsite at the black forest campground.  We threw some chairs down to say we were there and left for bar harbor.  I decided to hit a stop sign for some excitement since the guys were all tired from playing a little football and it seemed to wake them up. We parked on the outskirts of bar harbor we decided to walk into town.

The boys were dragging from drinking their special beer and we stopped to get coffee..  While waiting for a pot to brew we found that President Obama was in town and got pineapple ice cream when he visited the same shop.  We continued down the way and walked into the man store, "captain thimble bladder" Nate had to use the bathroom so the dude busted on him and bough some cigars, BBQ sauce and other random touristy items.

We continued to the down town area and checked out a wood store that had a huge wooden pony, and made our way over to bar harbor brewing company and had a tasting session. The server recommended a couple of placed out so we checked out the dog and pony tavern, and had dinner at the thirsty whale.  We then shopped for ridiculous hats,  checked out the harbor, and I went into ben and bills chocolate emporium and bought some lobster ice cream.  And yes there were actual chunks of lobster.  For some reason instead of getting a small I got a large, and 3/4 through it I regretted it.   It was cool at first having frozen lobster that warmed up as you took bites of it but the mixture of milk to lobster ratio was making my stomach swirl. (thankfully i did not drink too much)

By this time it getting late we went back to black forest camp ground, I finally could drink a couple brews, and we started a fire, told our best poop stories and called it a night.  I did not have to sleep on ass palace for once and got to split the bed in back with my ginger friend (Matt)..

To Part 3 or To Part 5