I write this,
So I no longer have to remember....
It seems so long ago,
one year one month 23 days,
A simple simple text changed my life,
Emergency,
Call me immediately,
I was at work,
just hitting my lunch,
when i saw it,
I picked up the phone,
And called my mother,
Ring....
Ring......
Ring......
Click click,
scrambled noise,
Hey mom, just got your message what's up...
Your father passed away,
I didn't know what how to respond,
The news came as a punch,
To the gut,
Taking wind out of my chest,
Gasping,
For air,
I would legitimately call this,
My first ever experience,
Of shock.
My mother continued,
Hello? did you hear me?
Yes mom...
realizing some semblance of words,
needed to be expressed..
I'm leaving work now,
I'm coming home.
I was robotic,
methodical,
and calculated,
Walking to the nearest manager,
Like striking up a casual conversation,
just to inform him of what happened,
I remember him asking if i was close,
With how casual,
I was,
Having a volcano of grief,
I wanted to exit,
Without expression,
Not to ruin,
Anyone elses day.
I just want to get out of here,
Without losing it,
The grief errupted,
In the car,
A blurry road,
Guided me,
Home,
I remember,
When I was half way there,
Regaining,
A mental state,
Building up,
That invisible wall,
That numbs the mind,
Upbeat music,
Guided me home,
And
It was good to be home,
As I realized
Cars were lined
around the house,
For I could see,
Everyone,
Through the kitchen window.
Walking in,
The front door I realized,
People were there,
So you didn't have to talk,
About it,
But the funny thing was,
the echos,
Of our father,
Rang from his children,
As the large sneeze of my sister,
And my loud yawning,
Our laughter,
Made it like he never left.
And to the best,
Of anyones ability,
friends expressed ,
the needed words of comfort,
Repeating,
Some stories of old,
But as the night,
Came to a close,
I'll never forget my last conversation,
With the neighbor,
When your father,
passes away,
He's never gone,
He's that little voice inside you,
Look at me,
I'm nearly 60 years old,
When I don't know how to do something,
Or need his advice,
I just ask.
Its Something I Still do
To this day....
(Post 2 of 2 Previous Post)
Showing posts with label Phase 3: Life. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Phase 3: Life. Show all posts
Thursday, February 12, 2015
Tuesday, March 25, 2014
Dreams of my Father
Not too long ago,
I spoke with my father,
He begun the conversation like,
he always did,
Excited and to the point,
For,
Christmas was just around the corner,
And he knew i waited till the last minute.
To shop,
Every year,
Ring ring,
ring ring,
I answered
"Papa Bear,
What's up?"
"I want a a new eagles hat"
the conversation began.
"My old one is a little worn and scuffed up
and I'd like you to get me a new one for Christmas".
I smiled, "I think i can do that,
do you have any color reference on color
or the old or new era?"
"Nope,
just nothing crazy,
out of the ordinary you know."
(Note: He does not like big words or crazy logos on hats just something simple. like a picture of the old school Philadelphia eagle from the 90s came to my mind)..
"Do you accept the challenge?" he stated?
"I of course accept,
but i;d like to get you a fitted hat this year
do you know what size you head is?" I asked
"I don't believe i have one of those.." sounding unsure.
"Well do you think you could ball park it" I asked,
"I could probably find a hat that has elastic in it that stretches.." I continued
Large, extra Lar.......
"Wait a second, I think I have an idea" he interrupted
he gave a- grunt,
Most likely rocking his body upward,
when he gets out of a comfortable location.
I heard him walk to a closet,
And tried to live by the sounds of his day,
the clutter the closet door makes,
when you open it too fast,
(on tile)
The click of the closet light,
When you pulled down a string,
as it brightens his way,
And the rummaging through boxes,
to find what he needed.
I finally had to interrupt him,
What in gods name are you looking for?
"STRING!" he exclaimed, and I FOUND IT!
I started to giggle,
what exactly are you going to do?
Measure my head,
give me a second,
He put the phone down for a second,
with a thud,
After a a minute he came back,
23.5!
23.5 that sounds a little big for a head are you sure about that? I asked.
What do you mean I measured my head around, I stated my head was 23.5.
I was getting ready to explain but he instantly knew his error,
"They must mean the radius" he exclaimed.
He found a had and measured to the center 7 1/2 he stated.
Sweet, I'll get a gift certificate just in-case. I replied.
We chatted briefly about fishing,
even though,
It was December.
Talking about catching,
the elusive trout,
and looking forward to bass season,
reminiscing "about the great catch"
A period of fishing,
Where we caught fish,
non stop on the lake,
for an hour and a half.
I was going to give him Christmas ideas,
but he stated he already had me done.
And with the timer going,
He said he would see me soon,
And to drive safe on my journey up,
And with that we said our good byes.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
For the last time.
(Post 1 of 2 Next Post)
Monday, August 26, 2013
Blue Ink
There was a book,
on a shelf,
With dust covering its binding,
Awaiting
to be cracked open.
At first it was in constant use,
Adjacent to a night stand,
Bookmarked,
Flipped through,
Every night,
Until its completion.
But now it sat,
In alphabetical order,
Adjacent to its brothers,
Awaiting the prying eyes,
Of another reader,
Luckily,
This book was in an office,
Of well known professor,
Where students would come and go,
Looking to broaden their horizon.
One such girl,
Took notice,
And requested the book home,
Using a pen to mark the pages.
On one fateful night,
The pen exploded,
Thankfully,
the ink dried,
and she was able to finish it,
But was worried about its state.
She eventually forgot about it..
A month or so passed,
The end of the year was rolling in,
the professor asked for the book back,
She hoped her professor would forget,
But from experience,
the professor lost many books,
from poor college students,
Over the years,
She felt bad,
And decided to do the noble thing,
And bought a two new books,
One for herself,
And one for her professor.
Years later,
I met this girl,
And I just so happened to be,
going through her bookshelf,
When she told me the story about the book,
Naturally wanting to broaden my horizons,
I too borrowed the book,
Which i found fantastic,
And,
Threw it in my trunk of my car meaning to give it back,
But constantly forgetting.
It wasn't until we split up,
That she asked for it back,
And i went to get the book,
And found that a pen exploded on it...
What are the odds,
I went to the book store,
immediately,
to do the noble thing,
But also bought a second book,
For the story,
And a memory.
If you were curious the book is titled: You Shall Know Our Velocity - By David Edgars
on a shelf,
With dust covering its binding,
Awaiting
to be cracked open.
At first it was in constant use,
Adjacent to a night stand,
Bookmarked,
Flipped through,
Every night,
Until its completion.
But now it sat,
In alphabetical order,
Adjacent to its brothers,
Awaiting the prying eyes,
Of another reader,
Luckily,
This book was in an office,
Of well known professor,
Where students would come and go,
Looking to broaden their horizon.
One such girl,
Took notice,
And requested the book home,
Using a pen to mark the pages.
On one fateful night,
The pen exploded,
Thankfully,
the ink dried,
and she was able to finish it,
But was worried about its state.
She eventually forgot about it..
A month or so passed,
The end of the year was rolling in,
the professor asked for the book back,
She hoped her professor would forget,
But from experience,
the professor lost many books,
from poor college students,
Over the years,
She felt bad,
And decided to do the noble thing,
And bought a two new books,
One for herself,
And one for her professor.
Years later,
I met this girl,
And I just so happened to be,
going through her bookshelf,
When she told me the story about the book,
Naturally wanting to broaden my horizons,
I too borrowed the book,
Which i found fantastic,
And,
Threw it in my trunk of my car meaning to give it back,
But constantly forgetting.
It wasn't until we split up,
That she asked for it back,
And i went to get the book,
And found that a pen exploded on it...
What are the odds,
I went to the book store,
immediately,
to do the noble thing,
But also bought a second book,
For the story,
And a memory.
If you were curious the book is titled: You Shall Know Our Velocity - By David Edgars
Sunday, August 25, 2013
Surf Fishing
This weekend I took off for Milford DE to try out surf fishing for the very first time. My original plan was to leave right after work, however I forgot to pack my cooler of adult beverages in my car thus making me stop home. The ensuing stop most likely made me get behind an accident on 476, construction on 95 and then construction on route 1. Making a hour and a half trip a full 3 hours.
But it was nice once I arrived down there, the initial blast of salt water made me nauseous but I quickly got over it Continuing down the road I discovered my final destination which was a small charming little fishing shack, which had cable tv, a bunk bed room, and a shower. However since its a salt marsh there is no septic system so there was a outhouse, that was tolerable when the wind was blowing.
My old college roommate brad (who i can only describe as a mixture between charlie sheen and thomas gabriel (the evil guy in live free and die hard)), was decently in the bag before I got there. We made sausages on the grill, and drank beers on the porch until the sun set, and talked about times in college. His cousin was visiting with her boyfriend and said they got jim gaffagan tickets and were driving all the way to Atlantic City after fishing tomorrow. We all started doing the hot pockets chant, but I like chip chop chip better personally.
After the sun came down however we didn't last too much longer. I found that a salt marsh has hella bugs and discovered the bugs there bit me 9 times like the predator targeting system. With the bugs decending we we decided to call it an early night. We ate some pancakes, took the dog for a quick walk while having one more beer on the journey. But when hitting the bunk beds I had difficulty sleeping at first because I thought I was hearing people having sex in the next room. Thus I did the whole arm over the head thing, and fell asleep.
I awoke the next morning to a marathon, they were still going at it I got up and looked around and noticed the fan was blowing air into the room, apparently Brad had optimum firing range from his anus to his girlfriends mouth which I heard about immediately. But I also noticed that the fan was blowing toward blinds in the corner of the room which revealed my "sex theory" was just the blinds.
I was also surprised that, my roommate brad was first up stating how he had a boner the other night and g rubbed it on the pillow he gave to me. But thankfully I was a little tipsy and just ended up using my backpack as a pillow, and his spirits immediately went down until coffee was served..
We slowly got situated, and there was some leftover pancakes, his cousin was up before us and they ended up leaving a half an hour before. I unfortunately was out of beer and we needed to get bait. We packed the car, headed down the road and I was surprised to find out that the beer store was open in Delaware by 9 am. Well the fact you could buy beer and liquor in the same place along with 6 packs amazes me, but that's besides the point.
After getting a case of Miller Light 16oz, we stopped at the bait shop to get out of state licenses. Then Finally came to rest at our surf fishing position called slaughter beach.. We set up with our 10 foot fishing poles with beach spikes (pvc pipe), and it was fish on. My first cast I must have sent my rig about 50 yards out. Well it broke off and went 50 yards, apparently your not suppose to whip it as hard as you can the "God Damn it Brian" came out rather quickly. I was trying to do the Napoleon dynamite throw this football as far as I could sketch. But spent the next 20 minutes tying my own flounder rig.
Once I got the hang of it, it was a lot of fun. You put a 2 lb weight on the end of your rod with 2 hooks for squid. In a gentle emotion you toss the rod as far as you possible can from the edge of the surf which is generally around 20 yards. Keeping the bail open you walk your rod back about 5 yards to your sand spike and tighten the rod until it is tense.
You'll notice if you feel the line that the lead weight rolls around with the tide, constantly going back and forth. a false positive could be frequent if your not thinking about that. However half the time in the beginning I didn't know i even hooked a fish and caught 4 dogfish sharks and a bunch of croaker. It wasn't until 1 pm where we decided to start keeping the fish we caught and by then the tide was going out and so was the fishing. We packed it up heading back to the fishing shack, and continued drinking on the wall. I learned the history of the storms from the locals and how a major nor'easter back in 1991 was the worst storm they had.
Apparently the whole entire island was washed away, and only sand remained. You can not even get flood insurance where this property is located at but it is rather cheap to own (150 dollars in taxes a year). In sandy they have a retaining wall around the property that goes about 6 feet that saved the property from Super storm Sandy.
The locals are those early to bed early to rise type of drinkers and left us around 6 pm to hit the sack.. We decided to order a pizza and relax a bit. Brads girlfriend went to pick it up and brad was too tired of waiting we made some pancakes again. Thankfully we did that because the pizza was small, we polished that off and decided to go to the dock for some night fishing. It didn't last long since the wind was really coming in and we all had major sunburn from being on the beach all day.
We again called it an early night after brad caught a couple eels. I used the shower and passed out on the couch where brad found me the next day. It was a pretty much circle story from there, we woke up fished, except there was family drama that brad had to deal with which is where i'll end the story.
Have a great Monday everyone...
Brian Vincent
But it was nice once I arrived down there, the initial blast of salt water made me nauseous but I quickly got over it Continuing down the road I discovered my final destination which was a small charming little fishing shack, which had cable tv, a bunk bed room, and a shower. However since its a salt marsh there is no septic system so there was a outhouse, that was tolerable when the wind was blowing.
My old college roommate brad (who i can only describe as a mixture between charlie sheen and thomas gabriel (the evil guy in live free and die hard)), was decently in the bag before I got there. We made sausages on the grill, and drank beers on the porch until the sun set, and talked about times in college. His cousin was visiting with her boyfriend and said they got jim gaffagan tickets and were driving all the way to Atlantic City after fishing tomorrow. We all started doing the hot pockets chant, but I like chip chop chip better personally.
After the sun came down however we didn't last too much longer. I found that a salt marsh has hella bugs and discovered the bugs there bit me 9 times like the predator targeting system. With the bugs decending we we decided to call it an early night. We ate some pancakes, took the dog for a quick walk while having one more beer on the journey. But when hitting the bunk beds I had difficulty sleeping at first because I thought I was hearing people having sex in the next room. Thus I did the whole arm over the head thing, and fell asleep.
I awoke the next morning to a marathon, they were still going at it I got up and looked around and noticed the fan was blowing air into the room, apparently Brad had optimum firing range from his anus to his girlfriends mouth which I heard about immediately. But I also noticed that the fan was blowing toward blinds in the corner of the room which revealed my "sex theory" was just the blinds.
I was also surprised that, my roommate brad was first up stating how he had a boner the other night and g rubbed it on the pillow he gave to me. But thankfully I was a little tipsy and just ended up using my backpack as a pillow, and his spirits immediately went down until coffee was served..
We slowly got situated, and there was some leftover pancakes, his cousin was up before us and they ended up leaving a half an hour before. I unfortunately was out of beer and we needed to get bait. We packed the car, headed down the road and I was surprised to find out that the beer store was open in Delaware by 9 am. Well the fact you could buy beer and liquor in the same place along with 6 packs amazes me, but that's besides the point.
After getting a case of Miller Light 16oz, we stopped at the bait shop to get out of state licenses. Then Finally came to rest at our surf fishing position called slaughter beach.. We set up with our 10 foot fishing poles with beach spikes (pvc pipe), and it was fish on. My first cast I must have sent my rig about 50 yards out. Well it broke off and went 50 yards, apparently your not suppose to whip it as hard as you can the "God Damn it Brian" came out rather quickly. I was trying to do the Napoleon dynamite throw this football as far as I could sketch. But spent the next 20 minutes tying my own flounder rig.
Once I got the hang of it, it was a lot of fun. You put a 2 lb weight on the end of your rod with 2 hooks for squid. In a gentle emotion you toss the rod as far as you possible can from the edge of the surf which is generally around 20 yards. Keeping the bail open you walk your rod back about 5 yards to your sand spike and tighten the rod until it is tense.
You'll notice if you feel the line that the lead weight rolls around with the tide, constantly going back and forth. a false positive could be frequent if your not thinking about that. However half the time in the beginning I didn't know i even hooked a fish and caught 4 dogfish sharks and a bunch of croaker. It wasn't until 1 pm where we decided to start keeping the fish we caught and by then the tide was going out and so was the fishing. We packed it up heading back to the fishing shack, and continued drinking on the wall. I learned the history of the storms from the locals and how a major nor'easter back in 1991 was the worst storm they had.
Apparently the whole entire island was washed away, and only sand remained. You can not even get flood insurance where this property is located at but it is rather cheap to own (150 dollars in taxes a year). In sandy they have a retaining wall around the property that goes about 6 feet that saved the property from Super storm Sandy.
The locals are those early to bed early to rise type of drinkers and left us around 6 pm to hit the sack.. We decided to order a pizza and relax a bit. Brads girlfriend went to pick it up and brad was too tired of waiting we made some pancakes again. Thankfully we did that because the pizza was small, we polished that off and decided to go to the dock for some night fishing. It didn't last long since the wind was really coming in and we all had major sunburn from being on the beach all day.
We again called it an early night after brad caught a couple eels. I used the shower and passed out on the couch where brad found me the next day. It was a pretty much circle story from there, we woke up fished, except there was family drama that brad had to deal with which is where i'll end the story.
Have a great Monday everyone...
Brian Vincent
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