Hate

I am so one sided right now I feel as if my head were full of acidic bomb and the whole fuse theory has failed to combined my other self. Hatred.. Back lashing hatred i have right now.. I have found my anti-self and i am very very pissed off at the process of finding another individual..

When i realize how pathetic their attempt is to try and connect with me, i look back on my life and try to compair that what they're doing to how i attempted to attain going out with other individuals in my life.. It makes me hate even the attempt of trying to connect with another individual, their sad pathetic look, their trying to stay as long as possible, to be close in a converstation even when they have nothing to say.

THE WHOLE PROCESS IS HORRID.

I can now say, I don't care if i find person z.. i found person x.. the bitchiest person that is around, the person that makes you realize that its pointless to find person z. give up, your efforts are idoitic..

I honestly do not forsee myself going out with a female in the next 10 years.. i would be happy if that moment never came because i found my person x. the person that makes you hate every characteristic of the opposite sex.

The Anti-Self

There are attributes in our lives we’ll never fully realize until we meet other individuals. Upon that meeting you realize they have something that you have, some attribute that you thought defined your life, now your realize someone else shares it. This isn’t a bad thing, it’s a learning process. Its viewing your characteristics in other individuals, and honestly forming a well rounded opinion about that attribute. Different perspective views are important to understanding how and why we operate.

When you understand why you do something, you can either maintain doing it or change. Its kind of funny how machine like we really are. Binary….

For example lets take look into the condition (or disease) known as love. Love is one of our basic animal instincts, and occurs in many variations, levels, and degrees. It the physical and emotional attraction to another living entity. I call it a disease because something in our long line of evolution, our culture got messed up. Since the foundation of the term marriage individuals have forever changed love to something more meaningful then what was originally attended to be.

So back to my original statement, the anti-self is the individual who makes you realize an aspect of your life is worth changing. What you are doing, and how you are proceeding in your life is not correct way of using your attributes and by viewing how others approached the situation as you did, you realize how stupid and idiotic the miscalculation of the resources they poured into moments really is.

Backtracking to the third paragraph, love was supposed to mean the hookup. Prolonging our races stay on the planet for a little bit longer. Protecting and controlling the species. But somehow, religion influenced our mental values and created a greater problem then it solved.

Religion asks do you love a person enough to spend the rest of your life with that person. And to complicate things now, you must think of that basic question when you meet people. Simply going out isn’t going out anymore, its observing the levels of attraction individuals have for another.

I find this amusing, because the levels of attraction are never the same for any individual. Person A loves person B, but person B loves person C, but person C loves person A. No person realizes this is going on because there’s something wrong with their minds. They all have attraction toward each other but the strongest level of attraction is for something that they can’t possibly attain.

The mentality of person A, B, and C

You fail when you settle for someone who loves you, when person B is like screw it, I’m going for person A. B person must then adapt the mind for this situation and becomes something that he/she really was not attending to be.

Personally, I believe Love exists only in the first point of contact (the initial meeting), if you find it any other way then your not the same person, you failed to remain yourself in finding what you wanted. The first thing you must accomplish is finding your anti-self in order to remain yourself and realize how a person causes change within yourself( the anti-self from person B’s standpoint is person A; then you’ll realize how to eventually find person Z).
90% of people are sick because of love and they don’t understand it (they settled and never realize person Z exists). Love never grows or shrinks, it just is.

Slide

I went out the last night with a bunch of individuals outside my core group of friends (something i never really do when I'm home, but always did when I was away(if that makes sense)) . I was only planning on staying out a few hours, but it just so happened that when I was finally setting my alarm clock it was 4 am. They were very much the same kind of individuals who enjoyed a good drink, hanging out and having conversation.
A few things I noticed from the previous night.
There was a story about a Jamaican in roller blades.
It went something like this: A Jamaican rollerblader was skating down the boardwalk. He had a boom box on his shoulder and was sliding/gliding with the music. Out of nowhere he trips on the ground taking the brunt of the fall to protect his boom box. It turns out that the trip was no accident, in fact, someone made him lose his balance. The boom box was then ripped from his side and the unidentified man ran away with his prize. The Jamaican man looked up to a passerby and was saddened. Not for the fact that his boom box was stolen, but the fact that his music was gone. How can go through life without music?
If some attribute was taken from your life immediately, how many other attributes would you lose? Would you still be able to glide on the boardwalk with music the same way as if you didn't have it?
I also like the point someone made about music and moments. To accurately explain a song, you have to set the tone and describe an area of life where the song meant the most to you. Then people might fully appreciate the choice of song, or at least have the ability to envision that moment. At any rate you'll at least get a story out of it, or a conversational topic.
The last comment I liked was going out and living your life in a different area and being influenced by the culture. Having to listen to a certain type of music because no one knows about your past music, it doesn't exist in this circle. Your new friends will be constantly running up to you and suggest something from their own musical background, to play on your stereo. Its being lost in an area with music lovers, while never hearing their culture/their music before.
And that, is something that everyone really needs to do.

Stereotypes / Prejudice

What do you think of when you see a Catholic, Islamic, Buddhist, or Hindu worshiper?
Is there an area in your brain where you automatically go to retrieve this information?
Does every person you meet fit the same stereotype you have programmed into yourself?

Do other attributes also play an important role?
How the person looks?
How the person expresses one self?

Do you label how many stereotypes people have?
Do you use the stereotypes to your advantage in your circle of friends?
Do they like you for using the advantage?

Is it ever truly possible to fully understand someone who does not have the same programmed stereotypes as yourself?
Is it right to just put someone in a generalized stereotype?
Do you simply file someone away after you get to know them?

Are we born into prejudice?
By living do we develop and revise our prejudice?
Is everyone prejudice?

How do we eliminate prejudice/stereotypes?
Are prejudices and stereotypes a part of our basic animal instincts?
Do we need all of our animal instincts?

The Ending of ........

An attribute that has consumed you so,
You must now,
              let go...

Too Bad,

No one has told you...
                   How or when...
   It just disappears,

You can see the the remnants,
  off in the distance.
     down that alley way.
Off on a mountain range.

to be majestic,

But most often
its been in front of you the whole time.

Trying to reach it is impossible.

   Anymore,

No matter how close you get.
         you'll never quite reach that pinnacle again.

But you hope,
     and pray.
Everyday.

You yearn for someone to tell you to stop.
     The comforting end you always wanted.
  This Back tracking for many miles.
to see how to repair,
 to reset restart,
   Is  tiresome,

  Don't get caught up,
Trying the same old tricks.
              To see what you once knew.


understand
    how
 to move on

Mountains

Viewing things from afar has become a new perspective of mine. Is it better to simply have a line to view such things in life (like the great plains?), or is there more beauty in discovering ones self lost within the hills?

Your ultimately seeing the final destination off in the distance but will never know what the valleys in between will bring. A lot of us are reaching for that mountain off in the distance but in the end, we simply settle for the valley below. When you reach one peak you think you can reach the next, and the next after that but in reality there's no end in site.

I guess the beauty comes when individuals are at the top of the world, and reached their highest peak. When they look down and see exactly what they wanted; the mountains off in the distance no longer look appealing, and an individual can settle down and live their life as content as can be.