Hate

I am so one sided right now I feel as if my head were full of acidic bomb and the whole fuse theory has failed to combined my other self. Hatred.. Back lashing hatred i have right now.. I have found my anti-self and i am very very pissed off at the process of finding another individual..

When i realize how pathetic their attempt is to try and connect with me, i look back on my life and try to compair that what they're doing to how i attempted to attain going out with other individuals in my life.. It makes me hate even the attempt of trying to connect with another individual, their sad pathetic look, their trying to stay as long as possible, to be close in a converstation even when they have nothing to say.

THE WHOLE PROCESS IS HORRID.

I can now say, I don't care if i find person z.. i found person x.. the bitchiest person that is around, the person that makes you realize that its pointless to find person z. give up, your efforts are idoitic..

I honestly do not forsee myself going out with a female in the next 10 years.. i would be happy if that moment never came because i found my person x. the person that makes you hate every characteristic of the opposite sex.

The Anti-Self

There are attributes in our lives we’ll never fully realize until we meet other individuals. Upon that meeting you realize they have something that you have, some attribute that you thought defined your life, now your realize someone else shares it. This isn’t a bad thing, it’s a learning process. Its viewing your characteristics in other individuals, and honestly forming a well rounded opinion about that attribute. Different perspective views are important to understanding how and why we operate.

When you understand why you do something, you can either maintain doing it or change. Its kind of funny how machine like we really are. Binary….

For example lets take look into the condition (or disease) known as love. Love is one of our basic animal instincts, and occurs in many variations, levels, and degrees. It the physical and emotional attraction to another living entity. I call it a disease because something in our long line of evolution, our culture got messed up. Since the foundation of the term marriage individuals have forever changed love to something more meaningful then what was originally attended to be.

So back to my original statement, the anti-self is the individual who makes you realize an aspect of your life is worth changing. What you are doing, and how you are proceeding in your life is not correct way of using your attributes and by viewing how others approached the situation as you did, you realize how stupid and idiotic the miscalculation of the resources they poured into moments really is.

Backtracking to the third paragraph, love was supposed to mean the hookup. Prolonging our races stay on the planet for a little bit longer. Protecting and controlling the species. But somehow, religion influenced our mental values and created a greater problem then it solved.

Religion asks do you love a person enough to spend the rest of your life with that person. And to complicate things now, you must think of that basic question when you meet people. Simply going out isn’t going out anymore, its observing the levels of attraction individuals have for another.

I find this amusing, because the levels of attraction are never the same for any individual. Person A loves person B, but person B loves person C, but person C loves person A. No person realizes this is going on because there’s something wrong with their minds. They all have attraction toward each other but the strongest level of attraction is for something that they can’t possibly attain.

The mentality of person A, B, and C

You fail when you settle for someone who loves you, when person B is like screw it, I’m going for person A. B person must then adapt the mind for this situation and becomes something that he/she really was not attending to be.

Personally, I believe Love exists only in the first point of contact (the initial meeting), if you find it any other way then your not the same person, you failed to remain yourself in finding what you wanted. The first thing you must accomplish is finding your anti-self in order to remain yourself and realize how a person causes change within yourself( the anti-self from person B’s standpoint is person A; then you’ll realize how to eventually find person Z).
90% of people are sick because of love and they don’t understand it (they settled and never realize person Z exists). Love never grows or shrinks, it just is.

Slide

I went out the last night with a bunch of individuals outside my core group of friends (something i never really do when I'm home, but always did when I was away(if that makes sense)) . I was only planning on staying out a few hours, but it just so happened that when I was finally setting my alarm clock it was 4 am. They were very much the same kind of individuals who enjoyed a good drink, hanging out and having conversation.
A few things I noticed from the previous night.
There was a story about a Jamaican in roller blades.
It went something like this: A Jamaican rollerblader was skating down the boardwalk. He had a boom box on his shoulder and was sliding/gliding with the music. Out of nowhere he trips on the ground taking the brunt of the fall to protect his boom box. It turns out that the trip was no accident, in fact, someone made him lose his balance. The boom box was then ripped from his side and the unidentified man ran away with his prize. The Jamaican man looked up to a passerby and was saddened. Not for the fact that his boom box was stolen, but the fact that his music was gone. How can go through life without music?
If some attribute was taken from your life immediately, how many other attributes would you lose? Would you still be able to glide on the boardwalk with music the same way as if you didn't have it?
I also like the point someone made about music and moments. To accurately explain a song, you have to set the tone and describe an area of life where the song meant the most to you. Then people might fully appreciate the choice of song, or at least have the ability to envision that moment. At any rate you'll at least get a story out of it, or a conversational topic.
The last comment I liked was going out and living your life in a different area and being influenced by the culture. Having to listen to a certain type of music because no one knows about your past music, it doesn't exist in this circle. Your new friends will be constantly running up to you and suggest something from their own musical background, to play on your stereo. Its being lost in an area with music lovers, while never hearing their culture/their music before.
And that, is something that everyone really needs to do.

Stereotypes / Prejudice

What do you think of when you see a Catholic, Islamic, Buddhist, or Hindu worshiper?
Is there an area in your brain where you automatically go to retrieve this information?
Does every person you meet fit the same stereotype you have programmed into yourself?

Do other attributes also play an important role?
How the person looks?
How the person expresses one self?

Do you label how many stereotypes people have?
Do you use the stereotypes to your advantage in your circle of friends?
Do they like you for using the advantage?

Is it ever truly possible to fully understand someone who does not have the same programmed stereotypes as yourself?
Is it right to just put someone in a generalized stereotype?
Do you simply file someone away after you get to know them?

Are we born into prejudice?
By living do we develop and revise our prejudice?
Is everyone prejudice?

How do we eliminate prejudice/stereotypes?
Are prejudices and stereotypes a part of our basic animal instincts?
Do we need all of our animal instincts?

The Ending of ........

An attribute that has consumed you so,
You must now,
              let go...

Too Bad,

No one has told you...
                   How or when...
   It just disappears,

You can see the the remnants,
  off in the distance.
     down that alley way.
Off on a mountain range.

to be majestic,

But most often
its been in front of you the whole time.

Trying to reach it is impossible.

   Anymore,

No matter how close you get.
         you'll never quite reach that pinnacle again.

But you hope,
     and pray.
Everyday.

You yearn for someone to tell you to stop.
     The comforting end you always wanted.
  This Back tracking for many miles.
to see how to repair,
 to reset restart,
   Is  tiresome,

  Don't get caught up,
Trying the same old tricks.
              To see what you once knew.


understand
    how
 to move on

Mountains

Viewing things from afar has become a new perspective of mine. Is it better to simply have a line to view such things in life (like the great plains?), or is there more beauty in discovering ones self lost within the hills?

Your ultimately seeing the final destination off in the distance but will never know what the valleys in between will bring. A lot of us are reaching for that mountain off in the distance but in the end, we simply settle for the valley below. When you reach one peak you think you can reach the next, and the next after that but in reality there's no end in site.

I guess the beauty comes when individuals are at the top of the world, and reached their highest peak. When they look down and see exactly what they wanted; the mountains off in the distance no longer look appealing, and an individual can settle down and live their life as content as can be.

Energy

When two conflicting masses clash against each other violent storms are formed. However, certain moments in your life you can view this energy from afar; and just at the right moment capture beauty.

I've learned something today from my experiment so far. When switches are fused together, they put stress on other switches. A sort of power buildup occurs and you have to figure out how to defuse this occurrence in other aspects of your life. I sorta went through overload today exercising, driving, trying to be productive. And crashed around 6 pm for an hour nap. (The first time I simply crashed in a while.)

I've learned that this power buildup, this energy factor, if inappropriately used simply wears you out. I don't know how to control this energy i feel throughout the day, and i don't know where it comes from. But i will ponder this tonight, by creating a line in your life without switches do you simply feel energy? If you honestly had control of every aspect of your life, I believe you would be energy. Its defiantly something I'll have to ponder some more.

Things to Strive For

Tomorrow might just be the most interesting day of your life.

I must quote mart's blog before i can continue because i believe it is very reliant to what I'm going to accomplish tomorrow.

"If, for the next year, you could increase the expression of one attribute in your life, which would you pick:
patience
obedience
temperance
kindness
courage
perseverance
respectfulness"

All these attributes sum up together with my switchboard construct the mental rules and regulation that exist. If you lack these attributes in any form you will not be able to properly fuse attributes to your life.

Now for the fun part. I'm going to attempt to fuse a few attributes together tonight as a sorta "life experiment" that i entirely have no clue what is going to happen.

To begin, i already gave up cigarettes, and today while at the bar I was repulsed by the smell of them and the texture of the smoke.

Other fuses:

1. I'd like to scale down the quantity of meat products I eat through out the day. Not yet abandon meat products, but just see if its possible. I realize that this could be hard due to the fact that almost everyone around me appreciates beef, steak, chicken, ect. I don't want to be a hassle, but i do have this weird feeling that i'm eating something that was alive. Something that was killed for my pleasure. 
UPDATE: I have found this impossible to do, but giving up fast food is a better goal to have..

2. Another attribute i want to fuse is living healthy. I want to lose weight, and be around 175-180 pounds (the weight i finished college at.) This would include trying to make more wise choices in my diet while also exercising every single day. It just seems like I'd be happier if i was more concerned about my health and not having my old self in charge of my diet.

3. Temporally give up any form of sex and try to have better control over my life and make better decisions. This obviously won't be a long term fuse, but rather a temporary fuse that gives me more control before i'm ready to move forward in that direction.

4. Mentally say the right thing. Try to think before I say something that could be interpreted in the wrong way and be fully truthful with individuals. It includes saying something and meaning it; follow by example.

5. Start a review process for fusing my life togeather by meditation. I need to allow myself to review my life and will allow for 10 minutes everyday to review the fuses in my life and the switchboards that exist throughout the world.

6. Discover the world, try to find things that no one else has discovered and start sharing it with individuals.

7. Respect everyone, including myself.

Obviously if i break any of my 8 fuses I'll record them here, but for now I'm excited to wake up tomorrow.

Fuse

Your life is a switch board.

Its an array of choices that causes on one side of the switch "pleasure/discomfort" and on the other side simply "some pleasure". By observing the switch board you realize the difficulty of giving up the pleasure/discomfort option to simply have some pleasure. Discomfort grips the mind when you give up something that causes discomfort and the pleasure that accompanies the release of discomfort becomes your poison.

To illustrate, I believe life is a line. When traveling to a destination for the first time, and getting through the twists and turns you never quite know how simple it is to get there. Your mind wonders whether your going the right way, but on the journey home you already know the path and the choices that follow (whether to get gas or something to eat) become easier to ascertain then traveling to your destination. When knowing your destination life becomes easier. Life becomes a line.

Therefore, i do foresee discomfort in my life, but i also know that after it is over I'll be able to make decisions easier along the way without it. My life will have more curves then jagged edges.

By looking at the switchboard your goal is to make a line, you can't accomplish this over night, but in moderation if you must fuse your life together. You can do this by making the decisions in life that are meaningful but also respect yourself enough to at least give things a try and if they don't work, admit your mistake and try again to make the line.

Therefore i must announce that I'm starting a new category of posts that will be entitled fuse. This is my attempt to create my line, and rid myself of discomfort. This will explain why i will do something, and try to apply it to my life. Now on the other side, i will have a category called break, which i can not fully describe yet, but I can foresee myself not going through with some fuses and need to return to my past state before attempting to move forward to find nirvana.

To begin, I'm going to attempt from this moment forward to never smoke a cigarette again in my life. I have been on both sides of the spectrum, and encouraged people to smoke; while i also told people smoking is horrible for your health and you should quit. The pleasure I get from a clean lung, and the ability to breath overwhelmingly takes precedent over a elation of a feeling from stress and enslavement to the worrisome attitude of the materialistic value of them in my pocket. Plus I'm tired of coughing up a lung after i smoke too many.

Suffering

Last night i was thinking about how you could eliminate suffering.

To me suffering is a switch that anyone or anything can touch. This switch is embedded into your life that is unseen and you are unaware of. The switch comes in many forms of your life, and through suffering we inevitably change to compensate for that feeling and try not to allow that cause to have as much power in suffering the next time around.

You are constantly two different people(with the switch playing an important role), one person is who you started out as, and another is who you envision yourself as. By suffering you eliminate your old self in pursuit of something you desire(another switch takes its place). And by saying one thing, doing one action, grasping for thoughts we stumble down the rabbit hole and can not flip switches back to the original state.

So how do we eliminate suffering? By understanding your actions before hand, by realizing suffering will occur in greater portions when you try to get rid of it in your life, but when its gone, you will become a greater person for it and scale wise have less suffering in your life.

This task seems very simple, but opening closed doors and cleaning out the closet can be very painful. Only by doing this can you begin to move on, only by clearing your mind of the past suffering can you come to terms and make the wise choices.

Your goal is to eliminate the switch.

Buddhism

In my search for nirvana i found that Buddhism teachings are actually quite helpful and I've lately been interested in reading more. My only problem is after looking at the teachings, I honestly do not know if it is possible to entirely eliminate suffering. I know if i started earlier on this path I would have been much easier, but i sorta walked through a swamp to get here. But yes, I'm going to say I'm a practicing Buddhist and if your interested in some of the basic teachings then reading the following for a start.

The Four Noble Truths

1. Suffering: Birth is suffering, aging is suffering, illness is suffering, death is suffering; union with what is displeasing is suffering; separation from what is pleasing is suffering; not to get what one wants is suffering; in brief, the five aggregates subject to clinging are suffering.
2. The cause of suffering: The desire which leads to renewed existence (rebirth).
3. The cessation of suffering: The cessation of desire.
4. The way leading to the cessation of suffering: following the The Noble Eightfold Path;

The Noble Eightfold Path

1. Right Viewpoint - Realizing the Four Noble Truths
2. Right Intention - Commitment to mental and ethical growth in moderation
3. Right Speech - One speaks in a non hurtful, not exaggerated, truthful way
4. Right Actions - Wholesome action, avoiding action that would do harm
5. Right Livelihood - One's way of livelihood does not harm in any way oneself or others; directly or indirectly
6. Right Effort - One makes an effort to improve
7. Right Mindfulness - Mental ability to see things for what they are with clear consciousness
8. Right Meditation - Concentration in "altered states of consciousness

Attraction

Sittin at the corner bar,
Thinkin life,
well its long and far,
A journey with twists and turns,
Disappearing roads and empty glasses.

But that smile walks up to you,
an attribute you can't refuse,
nodding,
and holds the answer,
a full glass.

For
Eyes,
are melting,
can't look away,
embarrassed to notice,

Attraction
grows.

Sparks;
are spotted,
A power surge,
The breakers are kicked back,

But only the two knew;
what to do.

2D

My generation grew up in a world of technological limits. Our computers in the 90s operated at a snails pace compared by today's standards. The graphics were 2 dimensional, and the concept behind programs was easy to understand. We grew up in these simpler times, and luckily we've gained something that future generations will not be able to comprehend.

Our problem solving skills were developed when 2 dimensions were the farthest our civilizations technology allowed us to visualize. Forced to operate in this crude world we realized how to gradually use technology right when it was the easiest to understand, visually and concept wise.

We have the ability to view simple problems in 2d. Something future and past generations will fail to realize to our fullest potential. I however must urge you not to fall trap to the 2D (like a lot of individuals fail to see) and believe that is everything, because its not. Thinking that you know everything without realizing the 3rd dimension is one of the biggest traps that exist today.

The concept behind many actions remains the same. But in 3D the operation seems flashy, more complex. To simply move across a room requires more thought, we analyze the textures, contemplate, and finally see the hidden concepts beneath.