420 days

I write this,
           So I no longer have to remember....



    It seems so long ago,
         one year one month 23 days, 

    A simple simple text changed my life,

            Emergency,
                        Call me immediately,

                I was at work,
                          just hitting my lunch,
                     when i saw it,

           I picked up the phone,
                     And called my mother,

             Ring....
                         Ring......
                                       Ring......

             Click click,

                               scrambled noise,
 
                 Hey mom, just got your message what's up...

                              Your father passed away,
                                                 






                         I didn't know what how to respond,
           
             The news came as a punch,
                       To the gut, 
                 Taking wind out of my chest,

                                      Gasping,
                                              For air,

                           I would legitimately call this,
                                             My first ever experience,
                                                               Of shock.



                My mother continued,

                           Hello? did you hear me?

                      Yes mom...
                               realizing some semblance of words,
                                                                needed to be expressed..

                               I'm leaving work now,
                                                 I'm coming home.

                 I was robotic,
                              methodical,
                                        and calculated,

                     Walking to the nearest manager,
                                              Like striking up a casual conversation,
                                                              just to inform him of what happened,

                                  I remember him asking if i was close,
                                                           With how casual,
                                                                         I was,

                                                    Having a volcano of grief,
                                                                             I wanted to exit,
                                                                                             Without expression, 
                                                                                     Not to ruin,
                                                                                             Anyone elses day.

                         I just want to get out of here,
                                                         Without losing it,
          
                  The grief errupted,
                                     In the car,
                            A blurry road,
                                          Guided me,
                                  Home,

                       I remember,
                              When I was half way there,
                           Regaining,
                                    A mental state,
                                Building up,
                                             That invisible wall,
                                                  That numbs the mind,


                            Upbeat music,
                        Guided me home,

                             And
                It was good to be home,
                          As I realized
                                  Cars were lined
                                         around the house,

                        For I could see,
                                        Everyone,
                                                  Through the kitchen window.
                           
                                  Walking in,
                                      The front door I realized,
 
                         People were there,
                                               So you didn't have to talk,
                                       About it,

                       But the funny thing was,
                                    the echos,
                                          Of our father,
                                     Rang from his children,

                               As the large sneeze of my sister,
                       And  my loud yawning,
                                             Our laughter,
                                         Made it like he never left.

                      And to the best,
                                 Of anyones ability,
                                               friends expressed ,
                                      the needed  words of comfort,

                             Repeating,
                                       Some stories of old,

                             But as the night,
                                        Came to a close,
                                  I'll never forget my last conversation,
                                               With the neighbor,

                   When your father,
                                    passes away,
                       He's never gone,
                                       He's that little voice inside you,

                       Look at me,
                                     I'm nearly 60 years old,
 
                               When I don't know how to do something,
                                          Or need his advice,
                                                     I just ask.






              Its Something I Still do
                                To this day....


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