A broken glass,
the wet floors stained from self indulgence,
the alcohol,
their cure.
"Some of these people have problems,
problems i can thankfully profit from,"
Henderson thought,
but tonight,
its enough.
"Alright,
everyone out,
Its time for you guys to go home,"
Alvin didn't flinch,his arm propped his head up,
While patrons were hurrying up,
finishing the last sips of life,
Henderson noticed how the news effected Alvin.
He would give Alvin a few minutes to regain some composure, sliding a glass of water down the bar.
"Drink some water,
I'll call a cab,
just relax,
I need to start closing"
Alvin reached for the glass,
taking a slow sip,
he placed it down,
exactly where it was.
Walking toward the back room,
Picking up empty glasses,
emptying out ash trays,
and then throwing them away.
"What are you doing with those Henry?"
The dishwasher came out,
puzzled with an ash tray less room,
Henderson Replied,
"Its against the law to smoke here kid,"
Shit,
do you mind if i have one last one?
Reaching for an ashtray from the bag,
Henderson shrugged "go for it."
Whipping down the tables,
Henderson noticed the bouncers coming in,
starting to help,
and realizing he could now concentrate on the bar,
He let his minions do the dirty work.
Approaching the bar,
Henderson noticed Alvin passed out,
walking briskly over in his direction,
the telephone rang.
Changing priorities,
Henderson reached for the phone,
Placed it,
between the shoulder and the ear,
and said hello.
It was his friends,
wondering when he was getting off work,
listening to them speak Henderson realized,
he was slowly being sucked into,
an interesting conversation vortex,
Minutes pass by,
and with the bar area now clean,
he realized,it would be easier to speak later,
and hung up.
Walking over to Alvin he spoke,
"Hey Alvin you want me to call that cab?"
there was no reply,
not even a motion.
Henderson walked over closer to him,
"Hey man,
its time to get up and go home,
sleepy time."
Still no movement.
Henderson shook Alvin,
And with a loud thud,
Alvin fell faster,
then a pack of milk duds.
To Part 4 or To Part 6
Monday, January 29, 2007
Tuesday, January 23, 2007
Circles: Prolog: Alvin
Authors Note: After writing a part of my story I found it necessary to actually begin in the real world. Giving my character an density and something individuals could relate with.
sloofties - a female whore/idiot
schmetlaps - a male whore/idiot
Alvin,
Gets out of his car,
Adjacent to the bar,
No parking 9-5,
Mon through Sat,
Thank god for Sunday he thinks.
He locks his doors,
Placing his keys in his jacket pocket,
The suns going down,
Across town,
But tonight,
the lights will shine,
throughout night.
Alvin walks in,
His seat open at the bar,
Just the usual's sitting around,
Finishing their drinks,
Before the night crowd fills in.
These are the last days of smoke and air.
Without one,
We lose another aspect of our past.
With a smile on his face,
And a box in hand,
The gently tapping sounds occur,
Before the flame,
And light.
The barkeep approaches Alvin,
“The usual I presume”
Alvin replies
“Not tonight, Its my treat”
With a fistful of money,
Alvin places the Benjamin on the bar,
The sloofties and schmetlaps all approach him,
Immediately befriending his money.
Oblivious to their sudden kindness,
Alvin lined the bar with shots.
An event that hasn’t been accomplished,
Well at least for a very long time,
They toasted to health,
Happiness,
Hometowns,
And sports teams.
Threw darts,
Told stories,
Played pool,
And sang songs.
With a whole in his left pocket,
He bought one more round of drinks for crowd,
And finally sat back down.
They all slowly make their exit,
Leaving just us to talk,
The thoughts of our past,
The depths of our mind,
The unconscious man at the end of the bar.
To Part 1
sloofties - a female whore/idiot
schmetlaps - a male whore/idiot
Alvin,
Gets out of his car,
Adjacent to the bar,
No parking 9-5,
Mon through Sat,
Thank god for Sunday he thinks.
He locks his doors,
Placing his keys in his jacket pocket,
The suns going down,
Across town,
But tonight,
the lights will shine,
throughout night.
Alvin walks in,
His seat open at the bar,
Just the usual's sitting around,
Finishing their drinks,
Before the night crowd fills in.
These are the last days of smoke and air.
Without one,
We lose another aspect of our past.
With a smile on his face,
And a box in hand,
The gently tapping sounds occur,
Before the flame,
And light.
The barkeep approaches Alvin,
“The usual I presume”
Alvin replies
“Not tonight, Its my treat”
With a fistful of money,
Alvin places the Benjamin on the bar,
The sloofties and schmetlaps all approach him,
Immediately befriending his money.
Oblivious to their sudden kindness,
Alvin lined the bar with shots.
An event that hasn’t been accomplished,
Well at least for a very long time,
They toasted to health,
Happiness,
Hometowns,
And sports teams.
Threw darts,
Told stories,
Played pool,
And sang songs.
With a whole in his left pocket,
He bought one more round of drinks for crowd,
And finally sat back down.
They all slowly make their exit,
Leaving just us to talk,
The thoughts of our past,
The depths of our mind,
The unconscious man at the end of the bar.
To Part 1
Saturday, January 13, 2007
Why do we run in circles? (the chase, realization of happyness, The circle)
The chase
When traveling down the road of life, we are initially by ourselves. We know exactly where we'll end up.. That light at the end of the tunnel that calls our name. But then something occurs, we're distracted, we find something that we thought didn't exist. Another being.
Were driving down that path, passing traffic left and right, occasionally glancing left and right. We see others looking in out direction, but were traveling too fast. We never realize how much the people we pass have in common with our lives.
Unknowing to the previous statement, we decide at some moment to take our time. Slow down for a part of the journey. Glancing out over our windshields we realize the beautiful landscape passing before the eyes.
It happens, not quickly, but suddenly. A car rolls up beside you. You glance over smiling, and they immediately smile back. A connection is formed between the two. You begin to exchange thoughts, ideas and even music (passing cd's across the connection as though you were stopped completely.
But they look forward. Starting to travel at an increasing speed you try to keep up. Noticing the danger to your own life you slow down. And notice they're exiting a mile ahead of you. You try to keep up, but no matter how fast you travel, while the connection seems to still exist, you realize they circled around in the same path. Your on the highway again experiencing the same thoughts but without the individual; they're 100 meters ahead of you.
Realization of happiness
You live where you live, you encounter your friends, family, job, location daily. This life you've chosen has made you happy. In your life, your the happiest you've ever been.
Now take that emotion your feeling, is it the same for every other individual? Of course not. People have different dream, ideals and perspectives. What's happiness to you might not be happiness to them.
Now they are also happy. Their life is perfect to themselves and you realize from your own perspective that they seem to be happy. Their life compared to your own seems a little brighter, the goals they achieved belittle certain goals in your life that would make you happy in your own sense.
Now sit there, and rate your entire life on a scale. Rate every individual goal you own and compare it to the scale of other individuals. There goals you seem to understand. Written on paper you compare them to your own and congratulate them on the life they live.
So i ask you, can you truly understand happiness, in the perspective of another individual? Having the same goals, desires, the rating system that they have?
The circle
So the question becomes why do we run in circles? Firstly we attempt to understand. We contemplate the possible angles, realize its futile to react, and come to a point of acceptance. Secondly, you can run in circles all your life and never fully understand the meanings behind the meanings. Circles go forever, and we become obsessed by them. There is never a ending point of understanding, just the realization of moving forward. Thirdly, circles exist so we can learn to change direction. New goals, new dreams unrealized, and the lessons learned from the experience move us forward on our path.
I write circles to illustrate my circle. Although in metaphors, i hope everyone can pick out certain points that will help them break out of the circle they have circum to. Your not trapped, you just don't realize the potential of moving forward.
I hope my writings help individuals, although i am trapped in my own circle until i finish my writing, I hope that others will will foresee the greatness of experience in situations, and find themselves moving forward after I am done.
When traveling down the road of life, we are initially by ourselves. We know exactly where we'll end up.. That light at the end of the tunnel that calls our name. But then something occurs, we're distracted, we find something that we thought didn't exist. Another being.
Were driving down that path, passing traffic left and right, occasionally glancing left and right. We see others looking in out direction, but were traveling too fast. We never realize how much the people we pass have in common with our lives.
Unknowing to the previous statement, we decide at some moment to take our time. Slow down for a part of the journey. Glancing out over our windshields we realize the beautiful landscape passing before the eyes.
It happens, not quickly, but suddenly. A car rolls up beside you. You glance over smiling, and they immediately smile back. A connection is formed between the two. You begin to exchange thoughts, ideas and even music (passing cd's across the connection as though you were stopped completely.
But they look forward. Starting to travel at an increasing speed you try to keep up. Noticing the danger to your own life you slow down. And notice they're exiting a mile ahead of you. You try to keep up, but no matter how fast you travel, while the connection seems to still exist, you realize they circled around in the same path. Your on the highway again experiencing the same thoughts but without the individual; they're 100 meters ahead of you.
Realization of happiness
You live where you live, you encounter your friends, family, job, location daily. This life you've chosen has made you happy. In your life, your the happiest you've ever been.
Now take that emotion your feeling, is it the same for every other individual? Of course not. People have different dream, ideals and perspectives. What's happiness to you might not be happiness to them.
Now they are also happy. Their life is perfect to themselves and you realize from your own perspective that they seem to be happy. Their life compared to your own seems a little brighter, the goals they achieved belittle certain goals in your life that would make you happy in your own sense.
Now sit there, and rate your entire life on a scale. Rate every individual goal you own and compare it to the scale of other individuals. There goals you seem to understand. Written on paper you compare them to your own and congratulate them on the life they live.
So i ask you, can you truly understand happiness, in the perspective of another individual? Having the same goals, desires, the rating system that they have?
The circle
So the question becomes why do we run in circles? Firstly we attempt to understand. We contemplate the possible angles, realize its futile to react, and come to a point of acceptance. Secondly, you can run in circles all your life and never fully understand the meanings behind the meanings. Circles go forever, and we become obsessed by them. There is never a ending point of understanding, just the realization of moving forward. Thirdly, circles exist so we can learn to change direction. New goals, new dreams unrealized, and the lessons learned from the experience move us forward on our path.
I write circles to illustrate my circle. Although in metaphors, i hope everyone can pick out certain points that will help them break out of the circle they have circum to. Your not trapped, you just don't realize the potential of moving forward.
I hope my writings help individuals, although i am trapped in my own circle until i finish my writing, I hope that others will will foresee the greatness of experience in situations, and find themselves moving forward after I am done.
Thursday, January 11, 2007
Circles: Part Four : Freefall
Propelling weightless through empty space,
Through distant lands,
As though a race,
The wind whips past my body.
Through distant lands,
As though a race,
The wind whips past my body.
Listening to the screams,
The alarms of terror,
We fall together.
My friends,
I ask them,
Why do we fall from distant stars?
but they’re lost in self-reliance.
In outer space,
They can not hear,
by pure horror.
My childhood dreams,
Transformed,
Unrealized.
Become unwanted?
Or unknowingly dissolve ?
In salt water.
Were bound together,
By purest of liquids.
A passing probe,
Studies our existence.
Deflects our direction,
Were pointed now toward,
The nearest light.
It separates,
It takes us all.
Landing finally on our backs,
Another Liquid,
Another Liquid,
Falling,
Circles : Part Three : The hallway
Beams of light transfigure from afar,
It blinds our vision.
That temporary blind spot appears when we glare upon the sun.
I turn around and look for her,
But I find only darkness,
The blind spot consumed the one I longed for.
But that’s not my real problem,
I’m in a hallway,
A 50/50 choice.
To one side of me darkness,
A tornado,
Whipping within the depths of the hall,
Beckoning me to follow the pure terror I feel.
However to the other side light,
A warm breeze blows,
Songs of joy and tribal drums beat.
Alas
my mind plays tricks,
as silver doorknobs echo the footsteps of the one I lost.
I glance toward the light,
An angel awaits at the entrance,
Crying over a coffin,
She smiles at me and walks outside,
Looks skyward and turns petrified.
But down the hallway I hear a voice,
Whispering me to follow,
Concealing their identity.
Laughter pursues as I take my first steps to reveal uncertainty.
I stop suddenly and listen,
But the echo of irony follows.
Slowly,
And Surely,
from the darkened way a door knob clicks open.
The sound traveled,
Like a sonic boom,
An invisible wall.
And I was on my back before I knew It hit.
Voices,
Shouting in all directions,
Piercing my ears with venomous screams,
My conscious mind is torn with the thoughts of a hundred beings.
The simple choice of direction ceases to exist, for a once shimmering light at the entrance way was replaced by the glow of a thousand silver door knobs each guarding a new land.
It some takes time,
But my eyes adjust,
And I contemplate options.
A swirl of voices tells me to go right,
I try to block them out,
But they start to sing.
Beautiful melodies,
Cleanse my mind,
Persuade my body,
I stand up,
Look right and smile.
Ignoring the chanting rituals I begin to walk against the grain.
10 feet,
20 feet,
30 feet.
And then a voice.
It was faint,
But real,
Distant,
But bright,
Someone said my name,
followed by a soft click.
Light,
Brighter then anything I’ve seen before,
Searing my eyes to darkened lava,
I continue forward.
Four counts,
A siren blares,
Rhythmically,
Holding the highest pitch at the midway point.
A stiff wind blows,
Impeding my progress,
But then it came,
The sonic boom,
Propelling my body to certain doom.
To Part 2 or To Part 4
It blinds our vision.
That temporary blind spot appears when we glare upon the sun.
I turn around and look for her,
But I find only darkness,
The blind spot consumed the one I longed for.
But that’s not my real problem,
I’m in a hallway,
A 50/50 choice.
To one side of me darkness,
A tornado,
Whipping within the depths of the hall,
Beckoning me to follow the pure terror I feel.
However to the other side light,
A warm breeze blows,
Songs of joy and tribal drums beat.
Alas
my mind plays tricks,
as silver doorknobs echo the footsteps of the one I lost.
I glance toward the light,
An angel awaits at the entrance,
Crying over a coffin,
She smiles at me and walks outside,
Looks skyward and turns petrified.
But down the hallway I hear a voice,
Whispering me to follow,
Concealing their identity.
Laughter pursues as I take my first steps to reveal uncertainty.
I stop suddenly and listen,
But the echo of irony follows.
Slowly,
And Surely,
from the darkened way a door knob clicks open.
The sound traveled,
Like a sonic boom,
An invisible wall.
And I was on my back before I knew It hit.
Voices,
Shouting in all directions,
Piercing my ears with venomous screams,
My conscious mind is torn with the thoughts of a hundred beings.
The simple choice of direction ceases to exist, for a once shimmering light at the entrance way was replaced by the glow of a thousand silver door knobs each guarding a new land.
It some takes time,
But my eyes adjust,
And I contemplate options.
A swirl of voices tells me to go right,
I try to block them out,
But they start to sing.
Beautiful melodies,
Cleanse my mind,
Persuade my body,
I stand up,
Look right and smile.
Ignoring the chanting rituals I begin to walk against the grain.
10 feet,
20 feet,
30 feet.
And then a voice.
It was faint,
But real,
Distant,
But bright,
Someone said my name,
followed by a soft click.
Light,
Brighter then anything I’ve seen before,
Searing my eyes to darkened lava,
I continue forward.
Four counts,
A siren blares,
Rhythmically,
Holding the highest pitch at the midway point.
A stiff wind blows,
Impeding my progress,
But then it came,
The sonic boom,
Propelling my body to certain doom.
To Part 2 or To Part 4
Monday, January 08, 2007
Circles: Part two: Eyes
Eyes
A faceless lady digs her nails and scratches my skin.
Only to pour blood upon the chalkboard,
clawing and biting she wants me more.
Only to pour blood upon the chalkboard,
clawing and biting she wants me more.
She walks through the isles of desks,
her teeth exposed,
blood dripping,
her lips say stay.
her teeth exposed,
blood dripping,
her lips say stay.
sapphire eyes.
For a moment she disappears,
replaced by an angle,
a girl I once knew.
replaced by an angle,
a girl I once knew.
Reaching for my neck I countered a chill, it traveled down the spine and filled my mind with shock.
My flesh,
missing,
and blood flows,
a river,
down my body.
My flesh,
missing,
and blood flows,
a river,
down my body.
The walls turned,
no-longer pure;
the roots of a dogwood,
constrain the structure.
no-longer pure;
the roots of a dogwood,
constrain the structure.
Her hand lays outward,
reaching,
reaching,
half dazed and ash falling from the ceiling we begin coughing blood together.
I grab her hand,
flashes of red again,
flesh from my arm gone,
flashes of red again,
flesh from my arm gone,
I guide us the doorway.
The room smaller now,
with lights emitting from underneath,
complete darkness.
with lights emitting from underneath,
complete darkness.
I bump the desks,
racing toward the doorway,
she jumps on me scratching my face,
the doorknob at my fingertips locked.
racing toward the doorway,
she jumps on me scratching my face,
the doorknob at my fingertips locked.
claws again,
my blood sprayed across the darkened room.
Agony,
she smashes my head,
A defining crack my head split open and the sent of rotting corpse.
every sense my existence,
gone,
to be devoured,
and leaving my heart untouched.
What can I say?
What a moment,
time stood still,
looking over her shoulder from a distant hill
What a moment,
time stood still,
looking over her shoulder from a distant hill
She grasped my heart,
still beating,
squeezing the last bits of blood left inside.
still beating,
squeezing the last bits of blood left inside.
She glances around,
and her eyes cut through the darkness.
desks fill the rows,
and the classroom returns,
to its undisturbed form.
and sits in front of the classroom,
placing my heart on a stack of papers.
As boiling ink flows to my heart,
it beats again,
Warmth,
her writings poison.
searing ink,
Scorching the paper,
just a shadow of my former self.
And then I ask,
How could she do this?
To rip me apart and leave only my heart,
the last place she still had a hold on,
she left alone.
Slowly I regain feeling,
my skin darkened burnt, but useable.
She reaches for me again,
and I take her hand.
my skin darkened burnt, but useable.
She reaches for me again,
and I take her hand.
The room warms, but cools the body as the doorway emits a shimmering light.
Friday, January 05, 2007
Circles: Part one - A memory
Author note: I enjoy how my character slips into non-existence in this part to start the story. Here he's simply contemplating his last thoughts before slipping into unconsciousness. Obviously being at a bar and having relationship problems are common place these days, follow closely, but don't analyze every move that happens in the unconscious for the mind is purely unpredictable.
Circle,
circle,
sign wave function,
is any part of life more important then at this junction?
whitewashed,
empty minded;
a light flickers at the end of my vision.
unnerved,
unnoticed.
Will the end be what I always held closest?
blond and brilliant,
who’s only known throughout my childhood as a distant villain.
she explores her options,
a request I held close to my chest.
like a curious child,
never to notice my hidden smile.
weeks turn to months,
and months turn into years.
as time stands still,
doomed forever to grasp for mere air.
thought she’ll never know,
for the feelings of remorse captivate my soul.
my love silences me to sleep,
and my love freezes my being into a useless heap.
my eyes sag red,
as tear ducts finally lose their meaning;
to be trapped in a bar less cage,
unseen to even the noblest of eyes.
To Prolog or To Part Two
Circle,
circle,
sign wave function,
is any part of life more important then at this junction?
whitewashed,
empty minded;
a light flickers at the end of my vision.
unnerved,
unnoticed.
Will the end be what I always held closest?
blond and brilliant,
who’s only known throughout my childhood as a distant villain.
she explores her options,
a request I held close to my chest.
like a curious child,
never to notice my hidden smile.
weeks turn to months,
and months turn into years.
as time stands still,
doomed forever to grasp for mere air.
The days turn darker now;
I lay here unnoticed,
hoping to regain something I held closest.
I lay here unnoticed,
hoping to regain something I held closest.
thought she’ll never know,
for the feelings of remorse captivate my soul.
my love silences me to sleep,
and my love freezes my being into a useless heap.
An empty shell,
sickened by a never-ending quest,
to forget her in all of her unending beauty.
But even from afar the memories remain.
sickened by a never-ending quest,
to forget her in all of her unending beauty.
But even from afar the memories remain.
my eyes sag red,
as tear ducts finally lose their meaning;
to be trapped in a bar less cage,
unseen to even the noblest of eyes.
To Prolog or To Part Two
Thursday, January 04, 2007
A long break
Its been a while since i wrote...
I really wasn't expecting to take that long of a break, but with the holiday session, visiting friends and family, and suffering from a horrid cold over the past couple of days just made me forget about writing...
I never realized how misguided my thoughts become based solely on my singular entity. And even now contemplate why i write. I realized I can never achieve find nirvana by mere words. I can study teachings of foreign religions, review thoughts from afar from my own standpoint, and also the stand point of others but at the end of the day where am i really?
To be honest I find writing as a way to keep my mind clean, to write down old thoughts and continue expanding, continue finding new things. If we don't write, were stuck on the side of the road, thinking the same thoughts, doing the same actions, running in circles like a common animal.. We could never organize, re-think or undo stupidity.
The bottom line is writing gets things out, ideas that would never be, ideas that might be, and ideas that are so close someone had to say something. If we didn't write, it would be pathetic to always run around in circles with ideas that were never meant to be.
I find it best to quote Barack Obama:
"The dream will not happen, and he now faces the choice of accepting this fact like a grownup and moving on to more sensible pursuits, or refusing the truth and ending up bitter, quarrelsome and slightly pathetic."
Life is dreams, its about knowing when to have something and when to let go.. What pursuits await me i do not know, but the dreams of old I shall let go (I'm an adult). Running in circles is pointless, and i believe the only way to finally accomplish this is to be an adult and finally write what I have began realizing so many months ago.
I really wasn't expecting to take that long of a break, but with the holiday session, visiting friends and family, and suffering from a horrid cold over the past couple of days just made me forget about writing...
I never realized how misguided my thoughts become based solely on my singular entity. And even now contemplate why i write. I realized I can never achieve find nirvana by mere words. I can study teachings of foreign religions, review thoughts from afar from my own standpoint, and also the stand point of others but at the end of the day where am i really?
To be honest I find writing as a way to keep my mind clean, to write down old thoughts and continue expanding, continue finding new things. If we don't write, were stuck on the side of the road, thinking the same thoughts, doing the same actions, running in circles like a common animal.. We could never organize, re-think or undo stupidity.
The bottom line is writing gets things out, ideas that would never be, ideas that might be, and ideas that are so close someone had to say something. If we didn't write, it would be pathetic to always run around in circles with ideas that were never meant to be.
I find it best to quote Barack Obama:
"The dream will not happen, and he now faces the choice of accepting this fact like a grownup and moving on to more sensible pursuits, or refusing the truth and ending up bitter, quarrelsome and slightly pathetic."
Life is dreams, its about knowing when to have something and when to let go.. What pursuits await me i do not know, but the dreams of old I shall let go (I'm an adult). Running in circles is pointless, and i believe the only way to finally accomplish this is to be an adult and finally write what I have began realizing so many months ago.
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