Tuesday, April 17, 2007

Around the House

The husband wakes up early to do his weekly property maintenance because after a certain hour in the day it becomes intolerable to work outside in the summer heat. He mows the grass, tends his garden, and on certain days does something out of the ordinary. On this day there was two particular areas on his property that annoyed him greatly, and both had to deal with bees. Every time he moved his lawn mower by a particular bush and tree on his property they would greet him with a friendly sting. He would run away from the area about a good 20 yards with his hands waving wildly in the air swearing at these little creatures. And gradually they settled down back in the hive. But for some reason today, the the husband was tired of them.

He couldn't settled down as he would any other day and like a hiccup occurs in your brain; he formulated a plan to be rid of the bees once and for all. Instead of going to the store, and getting a spray repellent, or some sort of tool to help him in his endeavor, he marched straight into the basement. The husband needed 4 things, but it would take him a half hour to find because his wife just moved an assortment of files downstairs that threw off the entire organization of the basement. Instead of clearing out an area for them, she simply placed them in the walkway area so that he would deal with the problem. The wife never went downstairs but when she did, her arms were loaded.

Now the husband could of been tired after waking up early, doing his outside maintenance, and organizing files, but he was still determined to deal with the problem. After a few moments of wondering around trying to remember what he was doing he found what he was looking for: a stick, a cloth, some gas, and matches.

The husband must have formulated this plan while watching Sunday morning cartoons when the coyote's was trying one of his schemes to capture the road runner. Grinning to himself and crazy eyed he emerges from the basement, sits down, and places his tools on his open carport. The husband then proceeds to soak the cloth in the gasoline and wrap it around one end of the stick. Holding the opposite end of the stick much like a cave man would, he strikes the match and lights the cloth on fire.

Across the way, the neighbor lays in his hammock content with the work he accomplished. He sips his lemonade relaxing in the summer breeze, soaking in the sun. The neighbor took notice that the husband was acting quite weird and cast a gaze over in his direction. Noticing fire, his attention was immediately consumed with curiosity as to what the husbands motives were. Still sipping on lemonade he began to realize he could use some popcorn.

The husband walks over to the first beehive located in a tree on his property. He takes the stick and lights the hive on fire. There were some leaves that were singed but because there was still some dew left on the leaves the hive took the brunt of the damage and was completely destroyed. A triumphant look came across his face as the first hive was destroyed. "Take that you little buggers" he exclaimed.

He began to walk over to the bush located just a 30 yards to the right of the tree where another hive was located. Just about the time he was going to light the bush on fire the neighbor shouted "I wouldn't do that if I were you". The husband looked up and said there was still enough dew on the plant that it wouldn't be effected. The neighbor shouted back, "we use evergreens to start a fire in the middle of winter when snows on the ground, they're more flammable then you think". "Well we'll see what happens", so the husband haste-fully lights the second hive on fire before another word could come out of the neighbors mouth.

At first the hive caught fire, and the husband turned to the neighbor with a smile on his face. It was starting to die out but before it did the insides of the bush started to spark. Before he knew it the husband foresaw a problem arising. The husband ran across the yard to get the hose, grabbing it with his right arm and sprinted back across the yard. Around the halfway point his feet slipped from underneath him and his limbs flailed wildly in the air before coming to rest on the freshly cut grass.

To his dismay, the husband saw the hose was tangled, and unable to go the entire way across the yard. If he had more time he could untangle the hose, but time was short for his bush so he decided to let the hose rip and created an arc of water that would travel over a tree and generally splash the area where the bush was located. This Protected the rest of the area from fire but didn't help the poor bush. Black smoke filled the air, and the bush was consumed in a blaze.

Still spraying the area with water the husband watched the last of the fire die out. The neighbor shouted "I told you so" as he could hear the loud slurps from the end of his lemonade. The charred black branches were all that remained of a problematic area.

The husband tired and distraught would wait till tomorrow to cut down, because the summer heat finally took its toll.

No comments: