I hope you guys enjoy this one, this describes my trip to nyc (with some fun thrown in). although it changes from beginning middle and end as to how i wrote it. Mostly because i wrote this on 3 separate days.
Over the hills and far away to a land of concrete. We pass through a tunnel, 6 dollars a car load, to the land of red soxs meat. We enter this city, 5 miles per hour, it warns us against beeping with a hefty fine. 350 dollars i say, outrages.
Precious seconds pass, they turn into minutes, gridlock entraps our little vehicle. Some cars turn left, a red light occurs, and the cars from the adjacent street fill in the last remaining spots available on the other side.
We wait, patiently for the light to turn down the street, while ours is green. A few more spots open for us to turn, but an experienced driver cleverly beeps their horn in our direction, maneuvering his car around ours to take the spot away.
Clever bastard i thought. But no need, we'll be next. We finally get off the street, and start going uptown. But glancing at our map, we realize we needed to go down town. We wait for a street to turn right, which would be every other street, with the others turning left. At the next light we turn right, and right again. This takes us, directly downtown, although only in direction without the urgency of speed.
The lights on the street are all in unison, but a bladder troll jumped my girl friend which delayed our impending trip downtown. We decided to cut the trip short and park where we could so the troll couldn't cause a mess.
Parking in the smallest lot in the world, a clever man could stack, pile, and park your car any which way so that he could maximize his profits of owning such a small establishment. Grinning ear to ear he simply asked when we were to return and processed a reciept for us.
We left in haste for the trolls were still attacking my girl friends bladder. Finally finding shelter in a near by newsstand, individuals pay a small fee to use the bladder reducer machine. A troll asked me for a quarter, which i gave to him so he could buy booze from the moonshine man down the alley way.
With the trolls bought off, we continued down the street with a stiff wind at our backs improving our progress downtown. We would go through a light right when it turned, and reach the next light just as it turned green. It was as if we became synced with the grid work of the city system. Like some master planner watched us walk down the street, calculating the amount of steps and velocity it takes to get down the street just for us.
Approaching 17th street we decided to indulge in the local atmosphere. We found the Chelsea brewing company, a place where individuals relax to a intoxicating beverage and forget their belongings. Around the bar you'll find little items individuals forgotten by drinking this forgetful potion, most memorable being a old volume of the oxford dictionary.
After enjoying a good beverage we decided to head downtown a bit more to the magic bakery. I knew it was magical because people were waiting in line to get inside of the place. Almost as if the soup Nazi was real but a baker. So waiting in line, we saw cupcakes fly off the shelf. They flew into boxes of customers, like they were destined to be choose by that particular customer.
When we entered the little establishment a man with a cupcake tray head appeared. Singing softly his rap and moving through the crowd with his soloist beat, he restocks the cupcakes. But by the time his cupcakes are on the shelf 3 have already been placed in our own box.
We leave the bakery before more cupcakes could fly into our bellies, and walk across the street to see what these cuppy cakes were all about.
The pigeons noticed the behavior of the humans a few hours before our arrival. And were awaiting us patiently, noticing our dropped crumbs they'd fell, developing a plan of attack to gain the crumbs before the other birds noticed what happened.
Of course these cupcakes were amazing, and were instantly devoured inside our mouths. The crumbs provided a nice snack for the rats with wings. But again, once we were done the bladder trolls came and attacked my girlfriend. This time they attacked in the middle of the street as we were making our way back toward 17th street.
A kind catholic priest, holding a bible in his hand and preaching the good word saved my girlfriend once again from the bladder trolls by allowing her to use the holy reducer of bladder pain. This of course forced her to go into church, where she had to repent her sins in the urinal confessional. Upon leaving she had to say 3 hail Mary's and 5 our fathers.
With the trolls successfully battled off yet again, we approached a street fair in union square. The-booths were owned by tricky souls who donated money to save the cities farmers. However if you looked around, there's obviously no farmland in sight so their over charged prices were quite suspicious.
We continued our journey by walking around the square until we noticed another individual complaining about the overcharged prices. He started getting in an argument with one of the local shop keeps and after a brief exchange of words he was chased out of the market and started a fight across the street.
A man in a life guard chair in the middle of the winter signaled for the police to break up the fight over a crowd of hippies. These hippies were lazy and didn't regurgitate the mans request so it took several minutes for his plea to reach the officers ears. Meanwhile the argumentative individual was now surrounded by a crowd of city folk and was forced to fend for himself like a homeless person fighting over a piece of meat.
The police officer did finally take notice to the problem across the way and started to stroll while the entire city block was stopped, gazing in the direction of the disturbance. It was quite odd to notice that a part of the city stopped to see a bunch of idiots fight, but I guess its something to talk about around the dinner table.
With the disturbance silenced, we walked to the northern corner of the square and entered the biggest book store i have ever seen. There wasn't just one level either, nor two, or three, just one more then four existed. And the books, while organized into section were difficult to locate. The organizers with their master computers were the only ones who knew the exact location of all the books, but then again if you asked them which book you wanted, you would be obligated to buy the book, or at least be moderately interested in purchasing it.
It was at this time that my girl had to go and complete some business with the city folk. During this time i visited the heartland brewing company, which honestly wasn't that great. 6.50 a beer, give me a break, chelsea's a dollar less just down the street, and its better, not incomplete.
What you pay for is the atmosphere, and while its crowded, the people are nice, and i talked sports with out of townees like myself. I sipped my beer, but didn't order another, because the price was ugly.
But i glanced at my watch and no sooner I arrived, I had to leave, and meet my girl across the street. She wasn't there so i walked on Broadway, up to 22nd street. Down the way i realized i went to far and she was actually on 23rd street.
We kissed upon my arrival and began to walk back, our car parked across town. She suggested the subway, but i rejected the suggestion, and we enjoyed the emitting lights from vacant buildings. Only the cleaning clues remained.
It was 4 blocks that i realized my feet were starting to hurt, the trolls seek revenge for giving them the slip. They littered the ground with nails and tacs, fire and knives. She suggested the subway but i fought them, only to complain 15 blocks later.
Hardly walking the trolls almost got me, but we found a restaurant. Thai food filled, our starving bellies, from a man who had little English speak. Their food was good, but i forget the name and we paid our bill to leave. The trolls still on me, the garage insight, sweet relief for the man had the car ready.
Sitting silently, the trolls kept bothering me, all the way back to s-grove. They attacked me they attacked us, we said bad things, and we had our first fight by all stupid means.
The end
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