Hate

I am so one sided right now I feel as if my head were full of acidic bomb and the whole fuse theory has failed to combined my other self. Hatred.. Back lashing hatred i have right now.. I have found my anti-self and i am very very pissed off at the process of finding another individual..

When i realize how pathetic their attempt is to try and connect with me, i look back on my life and try to compair that what they're doing to how i attempted to attain going out with other individuals in my life.. It makes me hate even the attempt of trying to connect with another individual, their sad pathetic look, their trying to stay as long as possible, to be close in a converstation even when they have nothing to say.

THE WHOLE PROCESS IS HORRID.

I can now say, I don't care if i find person z.. i found person x.. the bitchiest person that is around, the person that makes you realize that its pointless to find person z. give up, your efforts are idoitic..

I honestly do not forsee myself going out with a female in the next 10 years.. i would be happy if that moment never came because i found my person x. the person that makes you hate every characteristic of the opposite sex.

The Anti-Self

There are attributes in our lives we’ll never fully realize until we meet other individuals. Upon that meeting you realize they have something that you have, some attribute that you thought defined your life, now your realize someone else shares it. This isn’t a bad thing, it’s a learning process. Its viewing your characteristics in other individuals, and honestly forming a well rounded opinion about that attribute. Different perspective views are important to understanding how and why we operate.

When you understand why you do something, you can either maintain doing it or change. Its kind of funny how machine like we really are. Binary….

For example lets take look into the condition (or disease) known as love. Love is one of our basic animal instincts, and occurs in many variations, levels, and degrees. It the physical and emotional attraction to another living entity. I call it a disease because something in our long line of evolution, our culture got messed up. Since the foundation of the term marriage individuals have forever changed love to something more meaningful then what was originally attended to be.

So back to my original statement, the anti-self is the individual who makes you realize an aspect of your life is worth changing. What you are doing, and how you are proceeding in your life is not correct way of using your attributes and by viewing how others approached the situation as you did, you realize how stupid and idiotic the miscalculation of the resources they poured into moments really is.

Backtracking to the third paragraph, love was supposed to mean the hookup. Prolonging our races stay on the planet for a little bit longer. Protecting and controlling the species. But somehow, religion influenced our mental values and created a greater problem then it solved.

Religion asks do you love a person enough to spend the rest of your life with that person. And to complicate things now, you must think of that basic question when you meet people. Simply going out isn’t going out anymore, its observing the levels of attraction individuals have for another.

I find this amusing, because the levels of attraction are never the same for any individual. Person A loves person B, but person B loves person C, but person C loves person A. No person realizes this is going on because there’s something wrong with their minds. They all have attraction toward each other but the strongest level of attraction is for something that they can’t possibly attain.

The mentality of person A, B, and C

You fail when you settle for someone who loves you, when person B is like screw it, I’m going for person A. B person must then adapt the mind for this situation and becomes something that he/she really was not attending to be.

Personally, I believe Love exists only in the first point of contact (the initial meeting), if you find it any other way then your not the same person, you failed to remain yourself in finding what you wanted. The first thing you must accomplish is finding your anti-self in order to remain yourself and realize how a person causes change within yourself( the anti-self from person B’s standpoint is person A; then you’ll realize how to eventually find person Z).
90% of people are sick because of love and they don’t understand it (they settled and never realize person Z exists). Love never grows or shrinks, it just is.

Slide

I went out the last night with a bunch of individuals outside my core group of friends (something i never really do when I'm home, but always did when I was away(if that makes sense)) . I was only planning on staying out a few hours, but it just so happened that when I was finally setting my alarm clock it was 4 am. They were very much the same kind of individuals who enjoyed a good drink, hanging out and having conversation.
A few things I noticed from the previous night.
There was a story about a Jamaican in roller blades.
It went something like this: A Jamaican rollerblader was skating down the boardwalk. He had a boom box on his shoulder and was sliding/gliding with the music. Out of nowhere he trips on the ground taking the brunt of the fall to protect his boom box. It turns out that the trip was no accident, in fact, someone made him lose his balance. The boom box was then ripped from his side and the unidentified man ran away with his prize. The Jamaican man looked up to a passerby and was saddened. Not for the fact that his boom box was stolen, but the fact that his music was gone. How can go through life without music?
If some attribute was taken from your life immediately, how many other attributes would you lose? Would you still be able to glide on the boardwalk with music the same way as if you didn't have it?
I also like the point someone made about music and moments. To accurately explain a song, you have to set the tone and describe an area of life where the song meant the most to you. Then people might fully appreciate the choice of song, or at least have the ability to envision that moment. At any rate you'll at least get a story out of it, or a conversational topic.
The last comment I liked was going out and living your life in a different area and being influenced by the culture. Having to listen to a certain type of music because no one knows about your past music, it doesn't exist in this circle. Your new friends will be constantly running up to you and suggest something from their own musical background, to play on your stereo. Its being lost in an area with music lovers, while never hearing their culture/their music before.
And that, is something that everyone really needs to do.

Stereotypes / Prejudice

What do you think of when you see a Catholic, Islamic, Buddhist, or Hindu worshiper?
Is there an area in your brain where you automatically go to retrieve this information?
Does every person you meet fit the same stereotype you have programmed into yourself?

Do other attributes also play an important role?
How the person looks?
How the person expresses one self?

Do you label how many stereotypes people have?
Do you use the stereotypes to your advantage in your circle of friends?
Do they like you for using the advantage?

Is it ever truly possible to fully understand someone who does not have the same programmed stereotypes as yourself?
Is it right to just put someone in a generalized stereotype?
Do you simply file someone away after you get to know them?

Are we born into prejudice?
By living do we develop and revise our prejudice?
Is everyone prejudice?

How do we eliminate prejudice/stereotypes?
Are prejudices and stereotypes a part of our basic animal instincts?
Do we need all of our animal instincts?

The Ending of ........

An attribute that has consumed you so,
You must now,
              let go...

Too Bad,

No one has told you...
                   How or when...
   It just disappears,

You can see the the remnants,
  off in the distance.
     down that alley way.
Off on a mountain range.

to be majestic,

But most often
its been in front of you the whole time.

Trying to reach it is impossible.

   Anymore,

No matter how close you get.
         you'll never quite reach that pinnacle again.

But you hope,
     and pray.
Everyday.

You yearn for someone to tell you to stop.
     The comforting end you always wanted.
  This Back tracking for many miles.
to see how to repair,
 to reset restart,
   Is  tiresome,

  Don't get caught up,
Trying the same old tricks.
              To see what you once knew.


understand
    how
 to move on

Mountains

Viewing things from afar has become a new perspective of mine. Is it better to simply have a line to view such things in life (like the great plains?), or is there more beauty in discovering ones self lost within the hills?

Your ultimately seeing the final destination off in the distance but will never know what the valleys in between will bring. A lot of us are reaching for that mountain off in the distance but in the end, we simply settle for the valley below. When you reach one peak you think you can reach the next, and the next after that but in reality there's no end in site.

I guess the beauty comes when individuals are at the top of the world, and reached their highest peak. When they look down and see exactly what they wanted; the mountains off in the distance no longer look appealing, and an individual can settle down and live their life as content as can be.

Energy

When two conflicting masses clash against each other violent storms are formed. However, certain moments in your life you can view this energy from afar; and just at the right moment capture beauty.

I've learned something today from my experiment so far. When switches are fused together, they put stress on other switches. A sort of power buildup occurs and you have to figure out how to defuse this occurrence in other aspects of your life. I sorta went through overload today exercising, driving, trying to be productive. And crashed around 6 pm for an hour nap. (The first time I simply crashed in a while.)

I've learned that this power buildup, this energy factor, if inappropriately used simply wears you out. I don't know how to control this energy i feel throughout the day, and i don't know where it comes from. But i will ponder this tonight, by creating a line in your life without switches do you simply feel energy? If you honestly had control of every aspect of your life, I believe you would be energy. Its defiantly something I'll have to ponder some more.

Things to Strive For

Tomorrow might just be the most interesting day of your life.

I must quote mart's blog before i can continue because i believe it is very reliant to what I'm going to accomplish tomorrow.

"If, for the next year, you could increase the expression of one attribute in your life, which would you pick:
patience
obedience
temperance
kindness
courage
perseverance
respectfulness"

All these attributes sum up together with my switchboard construct the mental rules and regulation that exist. If you lack these attributes in any form you will not be able to properly fuse attributes to your life.

Now for the fun part. I'm going to attempt to fuse a few attributes together tonight as a sorta "life experiment" that i entirely have no clue what is going to happen.

To begin, i already gave up cigarettes, and today while at the bar I was repulsed by the smell of them and the texture of the smoke.

Other fuses:

1. I'd like to scale down the quantity of meat products I eat through out the day. Not yet abandon meat products, but just see if its possible. I realize that this could be hard due to the fact that almost everyone around me appreciates beef, steak, chicken, ect. I don't want to be a hassle, but i do have this weird feeling that i'm eating something that was alive. Something that was killed for my pleasure. 
UPDATE: I have found this impossible to do, but giving up fast food is a better goal to have..

2. Another attribute i want to fuse is living healthy. I want to lose weight, and be around 175-180 pounds (the weight i finished college at.) This would include trying to make more wise choices in my diet while also exercising every single day. It just seems like I'd be happier if i was more concerned about my health and not having my old self in charge of my diet.

3. Temporally give up any form of sex and try to have better control over my life and make better decisions. This obviously won't be a long term fuse, but rather a temporary fuse that gives me more control before i'm ready to move forward in that direction.

4. Mentally say the right thing. Try to think before I say something that could be interpreted in the wrong way and be fully truthful with individuals. It includes saying something and meaning it; follow by example.

5. Start a review process for fusing my life togeather by meditation. I need to allow myself to review my life and will allow for 10 minutes everyday to review the fuses in my life and the switchboards that exist throughout the world.

6. Discover the world, try to find things that no one else has discovered and start sharing it with individuals.

7. Respect everyone, including myself.

Obviously if i break any of my 8 fuses I'll record them here, but for now I'm excited to wake up tomorrow.

Fuse

Your life is a switch board.

Its an array of choices that causes on one side of the switch "pleasure/discomfort" and on the other side simply "some pleasure". By observing the switch board you realize the difficulty of giving up the pleasure/discomfort option to simply have some pleasure. Discomfort grips the mind when you give up something that causes discomfort and the pleasure that accompanies the release of discomfort becomes your poison.

To illustrate, I believe life is a line. When traveling to a destination for the first time, and getting through the twists and turns you never quite know how simple it is to get there. Your mind wonders whether your going the right way, but on the journey home you already know the path and the choices that follow (whether to get gas or something to eat) become easier to ascertain then traveling to your destination. When knowing your destination life becomes easier. Life becomes a line.

Therefore, i do foresee discomfort in my life, but i also know that after it is over I'll be able to make decisions easier along the way without it. My life will have more curves then jagged edges.

By looking at the switchboard your goal is to make a line, you can't accomplish this over night, but in moderation if you must fuse your life together. You can do this by making the decisions in life that are meaningful but also respect yourself enough to at least give things a try and if they don't work, admit your mistake and try again to make the line.

Therefore i must announce that I'm starting a new category of posts that will be entitled fuse. This is my attempt to create my line, and rid myself of discomfort. This will explain why i will do something, and try to apply it to my life. Now on the other side, i will have a category called break, which i can not fully describe yet, but I can foresee myself not going through with some fuses and need to return to my past state before attempting to move forward to find nirvana.

To begin, I'm going to attempt from this moment forward to never smoke a cigarette again in my life. I have been on both sides of the spectrum, and encouraged people to smoke; while i also told people smoking is horrible for your health and you should quit. The pleasure I get from a clean lung, and the ability to breath overwhelmingly takes precedent over a elation of a feeling from stress and enslavement to the worrisome attitude of the materialistic value of them in my pocket. Plus I'm tired of coughing up a lung after i smoke too many.

Suffering

Last night i was thinking about how you could eliminate suffering.

To me suffering is a switch that anyone or anything can touch. This switch is embedded into your life that is unseen and you are unaware of. The switch comes in many forms of your life, and through suffering we inevitably change to compensate for that feeling and try not to allow that cause to have as much power in suffering the next time around.

You are constantly two different people(with the switch playing an important role), one person is who you started out as, and another is who you envision yourself as. By suffering you eliminate your old self in pursuit of something you desire(another switch takes its place). And by saying one thing, doing one action, grasping for thoughts we stumble down the rabbit hole and can not flip switches back to the original state.

So how do we eliminate suffering? By understanding your actions before hand, by realizing suffering will occur in greater portions when you try to get rid of it in your life, but when its gone, you will become a greater person for it and scale wise have less suffering in your life.

This task seems very simple, but opening closed doors and cleaning out the closet can be very painful. Only by doing this can you begin to move on, only by clearing your mind of the past suffering can you come to terms and make the wise choices.

Your goal is to eliminate the switch.

Buddhism

In my search for nirvana i found that Buddhism teachings are actually quite helpful and I've lately been interested in reading more. My only problem is after looking at the teachings, I honestly do not know if it is possible to entirely eliminate suffering. I know if i started earlier on this path I would have been much easier, but i sorta walked through a swamp to get here. But yes, I'm going to say I'm a practicing Buddhist and if your interested in some of the basic teachings then reading the following for a start.

The Four Noble Truths

1. Suffering: Birth is suffering, aging is suffering, illness is suffering, death is suffering; union with what is displeasing is suffering; separation from what is pleasing is suffering; not to get what one wants is suffering; in brief, the five aggregates subject to clinging are suffering.
2. The cause of suffering: The desire which leads to renewed existence (rebirth).
3. The cessation of suffering: The cessation of desire.
4. The way leading to the cessation of suffering: following the The Noble Eightfold Path;

The Noble Eightfold Path

1. Right Viewpoint - Realizing the Four Noble Truths
2. Right Intention - Commitment to mental and ethical growth in moderation
3. Right Speech - One speaks in a non hurtful, not exaggerated, truthful way
4. Right Actions - Wholesome action, avoiding action that would do harm
5. Right Livelihood - One's way of livelihood does not harm in any way oneself or others; directly or indirectly
6. Right Effort - One makes an effort to improve
7. Right Mindfulness - Mental ability to see things for what they are with clear consciousness
8. Right Meditation - Concentration in "altered states of consciousness

Attraction

Sittin at the corner bar,
Thinkin life,
well its long and far,
A journey with twists and turns,
Disappearing roads and empty glasses.

But that smile walks up to you,
an attribute you can't refuse,
nodding,
and holds the answer,
a full glass.

For
Eyes,
are melting,
can't look away,
embarrassed to notice,

Attraction
grows.

Sparks;
are spotted,
A power surge,
The breakers are kicked back,

But only the two knew;
what to do.

2D

My generation grew up in a world of technological limits. Our computers in the 90s operated at a snails pace compared by today's standards. The graphics were 2 dimensional, and the concept behind programs was easy to understand. We grew up in these simpler times, and luckily we've gained something that future generations will not be able to comprehend.

Our problem solving skills were developed when 2 dimensions were the farthest our civilizations technology allowed us to visualize. Forced to operate in this crude world we realized how to gradually use technology right when it was the easiest to understand, visually and concept wise.

We have the ability to view simple problems in 2d. Something future and past generations will fail to realize to our fullest potential. I however must urge you not to fall trap to the 2D (like a lot of individuals fail to see) and believe that is everything, because its not. Thinking that you know everything without realizing the 3rd dimension is one of the biggest traps that exist today.

The concept behind many actions remains the same. But in 3D the operation seems flashy, more complex. To simply move across a room requires more thought, we analyze the textures, contemplate, and finally see the hidden concepts beneath.

Conversation

We are social creatures, stuck on a planet, seemingly in the middle of no where. We talk in our social circles, say our good byes, only to return at a later date. We will change through our travels, and thus have different perspectives when we speak again. Our minds constantly morphing.

A funny thing happened in the last 100 years or so, technology occurred, and instead of the escape through distance were bound to our cell phones black berries, pagers, and computers. Letters just seem out of style.

But when we return, we catch up even though we know most of the story. We might nod our heads and let a person tell their side of the story again even though we know the ending. Finding out the hidden details that we missed, and then plan to go do something memorable. When were finally done the members of the circle run back to base to tell another circle what you've done.

Simply living lives, ideas being dispersed throughout circles, always changing, and not always compatible. Were morphing circuits with changing values, oh yes, we can retain a small figment of our past, but for the most part were upgraded versions of our former selves.

Now conversation, the exchange of ideas, does that really end? If i say say one thing and you argue another, and lets say your right, would the conversation end? Would there still be other circles who argue against? Would you still be compatible with those circles on the same subject or do you need to create a new circle all together?


Things to think about:
Religion, Politics, Values are some attributes of an individual in a circle.

Your ability to approach others is your connecting line to another platter of circles.

A circle is a group of individuals engaged in conversation.

Conversation can multitask within the circle.

The Pressure Dome

Your in a stadium, a dome, no seats are around, just solid white walls. The floor is much the same, everything covered in white. Perplexed by the scene around you make your way to the center of the dome, realizing there's no way out you simply lay down. Utterly bored you begin to stair and start to lose focus. Closing your eyes results in much the same, but you continue to stair.

With your eyes closed, staring into nothingness you begin to realize things exist. Lights emit distant mountains appear in the west, doorways and pathways appear, eyes. Your mind begins to wonder, thinking on its own, without assistance. You catch yourself in mid thought and open your eyes.

The room is now pitch black, lights are still emitting, but they're more organized then before. Your thoughts are free flowing, it takes you a little while, but you realize your somewhere you've never been before.. Inside your mind. You sit, pleasantly observing the thoughts around you. But your attention is distracted to a distant corner; something isn't right about the texture of the wall.
You begin to walk toward it, your thoughts slowly fade away and the room becomes empty. You begin to concentrate, and begin to see what it is. A cork, simply put in the wall. You try to think what's on the other side but the thoughts simply are lost.
You sit, and contemplate what is on the other side, and slowly it comes back. The happiness, the sadness, the anger, and acceptance of a forgotten moment.
Pushed aside, you begin to believe you want what's behind it, and gradually you allow the pressure to ease between the two sides. If you simply pull the cork, you'd fill the dome with thoughts from afar flooding you conscious mind, but by allowing the pressure to equalize, you're allowing for a much easier transition.

Fallout, panic, worrisome, you know why its there, but what else is there? Behind the cork you know what’s ahead of you, you just don't know where it will end up.

Social Interactions

Upon any typical day you'll run into the usual suspects. Your circle of friends, the network that you have developed sends signals out into the world.

Conflicts occur when individuals are not able to get along with other individuals. And for the most part, everyone around plays an important roll in any conflict. But mainly there's the deliverer, this individual initiate the conflict in an otherwise neutral environment. From there a variety of things happen, firstly it is received and of course individuals are trying to neutralize the conflict from occurring. There are targets, where the conflict is directed toward, the target and the deliverer are now engaged in discussion. Diffusers typically step in and spin the situation into a different direction, unless you have a solver who can fix a situation permanently. Bystanders and encourages also exist in conflict but these opinions really should have no say in this situation.

Complete and Utter Randomness

For this post i want to touch on a few things I found.

While i was sitting at my computer, I stumbled across a song by Gnarls Barkley titled "crazy". Which you can listen to if you click here. Lyrically its an amazing song, with just a simplistic approach for drums and bass with a quiet choir in the background. Occasionally strings will jump in, filling in the darkness. I looked to see if he had any other songs that would stand out but this was the only one. The lyrics for this song can be found here.

Another thing I've noticed is that people who place quotes in their profiles are placing quotes that are most meaningful to them at that particular moment in there life. Thus I've decided to save the ones that stood out and actually think about these rather then simply closing the box and with the quote never really existing.. I'll try to do this type of post every now and then, it just gives me a break and allows me to find something different.

Quote:
"A significant and growing minority of students is simply not propelled by what we have come to regards conventional motivation. Rather than aiming to be successful men in an achievement oriented society, they want to be moral men in a moral society."

Comment:
Money is not everything in life.
People fail to realize that.
What you own will eventually own you.
So doing the right thing is more important then the things you own.

Quote:
Fear comes from the Devil, Faith comes from God. Which are you gonna listen to?

Comment:
Neither.

I'm not going to be scared into picking between two choices, what a fallacy. Life is bigger then a 50/50 multiple choice answer where if you don't believe your going to hell. I do not want to go to a place "heaven" where individuals think they are better then everyone else "non-believers". Racist, that's what I'll call religious people, people who can not see that every religion is inter-connected, and that non-believers could be better individuals then believers.

Religion, the seed of racism.
a brainwashing clinic.

Quote:
V. Van Gogh "When people get more education, they lose their youth"

Youth? what is youth? is youth simply ignorance to the world around us? If it does, then i will completely agree with this.

I however do not believe that youth can be lost through education (what about a war?). Since the beginning of humans existence individuals existed and lost their youth. Education didn't come until the foundation of civilization.

Hmmmm.. youth is something that does not exist, but only in your mind. You lose it by losing sight of your mind and becoming a different person altogether.

Quote:
"The sooner you know who you are and what you want, the less you'll let things upset you."-lost in translation.

Comment:
This is a nice quote, but it stresses speed, know exactly what you want or you'll be angry with yourself. A lot of people don't know what they want to be, and the sooner they make their decision that they think could be the right one, the sooner they'll find out that they made a bad choice. Speed is not everything in life. Slow down, think, be wise.

Quote:
The torture of chalk dust collects on my tongue, Can't this wait til I'm old, Can't I live while I'm young.

Comment:
A better argument to when people lose their youth in education. I still must say this is the most common way people could lose their youth, but its not the only way to lose yourself.

Quote:
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you have imagined.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
wake up naked
drinking coffee
making plans to change to world.

Comment:
By far my favorite two quotes I found. I guess this reflects the point in my life where I'm at right now. Trying to find direction, to slow down and put meaning to everything before setting the right foot forward.

Moments

Life is about moments, knowing when to stop and possibly when to push the limit. These moments lay on the foundation of hope. Hoping for a moment to come true, may close the door to other moments in your life. And knowing when to let go of your hope may allow for other hopes to arise in its place.

Moments define your life; they are the pinnacles of when the fork in the road occurs. There’s no way to go back to how things use to be, you can only pretend. By laying in the foundations of your life you begin to look back and lay the foundations of hope.

Life goes on, knowing the exact thing to say at the exact moment may help you open new doors. But by saying the right thing and listening to other individuals are you simply just becoming adapted to your surroundings? Are you living the dream, or has the dream consumed you?

Lets face it were animals… I thought humans were better then that.

There will be times in life where you already know the ending. By saying the right thing, by doing the right action, you promote other doors opening. Simply letting go of conscious mind allows you to travel millions of miles in a split second. The knowledge obtained, and then lost in the reprocessing of darkness.

Conviction...

Losing sight of who you really are.

That’s sadness.

Pretending to live a life based on instinct.

Meaningless.

Air Raid, thoughts exploding.

Terrifying.

Observing from afar,

Horrifying.

I hope to view my life in the future as meaningful. The choice to live you life without instinct..

Compelling…

I believe that you can never lose yourself, if you abandon instinct.

Thus if you want to remain human, and make the choices that are most beneficial to the beings surrounding you; you shall give up every ounce of your being; and thus be the happiest of your entire life.

That moment, well, you’ll find it just as I have…

The Shadows

I realized a world of information that i can not imagine to pass along... Because i know everyone has a different view... Its actually funny, but i now realize leaving things up to the reader, is by far, the way to write. To force your opinion upon someone, is unpatriotic. But to show an individual an idea.. Now that is something great....

The shadows that follow,
the voices behind,
a worrysome additude sets in.

Around the corner,
farther down the street a answer decends.

The pavement,
white during the day,
but at night,
can pave an erie sight.

To see your shadow,
Isn't it welcome?

But then again,
its over come,
Another is in your footsteps.

Why do they follow?

Do they know where the light ends?

A world of eternal light,
never seen by a human,
recieves a welcome sight.

But a world of eternal darkenss,
uneasyness,
hatred flows,
never to know the surroundings.

Isn't it fitting,
A warning shot,
that light and darkness is your friend.

But then again,
the chase is on,
how do they know,
where your path ends?

Can you get away?
and choose a path without dismay?

Faster and faster,
down,
never to now whos in your footsteps.

An officer?
A person with authority?
Am i in trouble?
or am i just dreaming?

the shades of grey over come.

The world we live in,
haunted,
medicated,
where everyone has their problems.

Its ony fitting,
and almost decieving,
that your answer,
lie within the shadows.

Observe quickly,
or be over come,
with the shades.

Brian Vincent

I've lately been getting some good feedback from the blogs that I’ve been writing, whether its from e-mail, instant messenger, or the comment button that no one seems to notice (but matt). However, I thought it would be an interesting idea to come up with a pen name before I start to start to get more new readers coming to my blog.
The reason I decided to come up with this idea is based on increase in traffic. As of Thursday I actually had over 100 hits for the first time ever. The traffic to my site went up from 8 hits a day as of Sunday to 100 by Thursday. I stopped writing when this occurred and was simply stunned. The feeling I experiences was like forgetting to lock the back door to your house when drug dealers are using your parking lot to move their goods. You never know if something is going to go down the time you see headlights flash by your bedroom.
But now that I regained my composure and I want to thank everyone who's reading. And apologize for that brief moment of outspokenness.
I just don't want to be famous; but merely to continue doing what I like and having my thoughts and ideas imploding upon an eager population of individuals.
So for my pen name decision, I was sitting down at the dinner table and my parents were actually going to name me something else before they finally chose my name. I was to be a Brian before my grandfather died. So to honor that brief lost moment in time, I guess I’ll adopt that very name for the first in my pen name. The only other name I liked was when I fooled my good friend into believing my middle name was actually Vincent; which he believed for a couple hours until I started grinning ear to ear.
So therefore whenever I write from now on I'll go by the pen name Brian Vincent.

Feedback

Individuals go through life, living the same routine everyday, day in and day out. They've been so ingrained into their lifestyle that after a while any other options gradually fade away. Taking the same route on the way to work, the same stop at the gas station, the same hello's, and of course the same tps reports ("your work"). If there's any hitch in any of these routines it might tick someone off.

Now your an outside individual looking in, maybe your that new guy/girl at work. And for some reason the routine is more cumbersome then actually getting the work done. This is where you open your mouth and open the eyes of the individuals around you. People might get that temporary look of being hit by a two by four but its about time someone said something.

The basement

Trapped,
With parts afar,
The ceiling tile,
is still ajar,

Oh why oh why,
Florescent lights,
Shin so bright,

Drowned,
The color gone,
CD player,
music file,

The same old tune,
Echos in,
A Blanket,

Footsteps above,
They worry me,

Abruptly stop,
Change direction,

What’s their hurry,
Their destination?

Bite,
Tastes of metal,
Screws together,
Broken pieces,

They lie and wait,
Another day,
Just in vain,

Why doors open,
They worry me,

Almost done,
Change direction,

What’s my hurry,
My destination?

An Election Result

Some people were elected,
Forcing a change that needs a new perspective,
Flushing out the old,
And changing the drapes,
A process to correct the laws of primitive apes.

Dozens still die from forefather’s decision,
Sectarian violence,
Our enemy’s conviction,
To stay the course as Macarthur would,
Or to call it quits like Truman should.

Bush is confronted with that same choice,
Gone his control,
The house, the senate,
His party in tatters,
Forced to compromise on the political ladder.

To fail,
A lame duck takes hold,
And the word veto just gets plain old,
Deadlock stricken the spine of a nation,

As of today,
Six years past our sinking ship,
Violent U-turns,
A sudden temptation.

STOP!!!



Slow Down!!!



Think Together!!!



Monkeys Can't Press Buttons Forever...

Crossroads

There are many times in an individual’s life when they are put at a crossroads.... Almost every individual has faced the high school crossroads whereas they decided whether or not to go to college, or just enter the work force and make some money. Obviously if you’re reading this your probably doing alright.

But the crossroads in life, it’s just like a street light. Some decisions have been made in advance and green lights a shinning down the path, some yellow lights caution you to take your time and slow down and some red lights appear to stop whatever your doing.

Is merely going down Main Street the life that was meant for yourself? Living as everyone else has. Or have you hit a red light and traveled off the beaten path? Coming back days, weeks, or months later with stories of your travels? Or are you just pissed off that the street light scenario even exists? Where as life shouldn't be about stopping and going but rather a straight shot to the finish line.

Its funny how you can view the networks of our culture and turn them around into meaningful examples. One thing I have figured out is that everyone’s life is art. No matter how you approach the crossroads and make your decisions in life there's no wrong way to live out your life.

Voting

Today is the day that individuals go to the polls and vote for the lesser of two evils. The democrats on one side believe that they can deliver change to the world while the republicans believe that the democrats will fail horribly and provide us with an even worse situation then we have right now. Regardless of how you vote and the total outcome of the election, democrats need to pick up a few seats in the house and senate in order to start to bring some order to this country.

Having a singular political party in control of all aspects of our government is just a bad policy when the other half of America believes entirely in a different manner. It doesn't have to be a huge change, but just a few seats swinging across the board would be nice to see.. 

The same story goes, for forever, I suppose..  It just matters what party is in charge at the time of the republics sweeping need for change.

Defense Mechanisms

I'll start where I left off in my last post, impact interactions can make a greater impact on individuals with lower defense mechanisms. These are people namely less educated individuals who go along with the group decisions rather then speaking out for themselves. So one way to get around defense mechanisms is firstly to get into "the group". Being familiar with other individuals can grab an influence, and spew poison inside the mind of a group and open the flood gates for information inside a targeted individual.

Another way to get past defense mechanisms is by knowledge or knowing a vast majority of information about a topic the individual that the individual enjoys. This is sadly done rather easily; in today’s world the largest intelligence gathering is taking place voluntarily in places such as "Myspace" and "Facebook" whereas individuals diverge information about themselves and a search engine can be used to locate other individuals with the same interests. Pictures are put up, thoughts are collected, matches made.

Altering your perspective, through drugs, or alcohol can also let your guard down. There are obviously other ways this happens but I'm going to move on.

With these tactics and a little charisma, you can easily get around defense mechanisms. The problem however comes after a prolonged relationship with another individual. Individuals who sneak their way past all defenses could in turn one day set off a switch in the targeted individual and therefore be put through a violent backlash (I would use divorce rates in America to as my example).

There's no way around it, a part of the ego will forever protect an individual from outside sources and prevent the world from collapsing from within. Finding friends, loved ones, and decent people in your life must all pass through your ego. You'll never know what you get until you battle the ego.

Impact Interactions

Recently I've found that certain words and gestures can make a significant impact upon ones mood. These actions, while for the most part we are unaware of, can make or break a social interaction between two individuals. I always thought these forms of communication are for the most part "rushed", unlike writing were we are improvising our daily lives one breath at a time. I guess what I’m saying is, try to be more subconscious about your actions and those of individuals around you because it’s vitally important to surviving in this strange world.

These hints and clues can provide a generalized clue into the actual mood of other individuals around you. You'll find if someone's not having a good time in your social group, that it can affect the rest of the group. Were merely social creatures trying to bide for the spotlight or the lack thereof.

Can I accurately identify impact interactions? Sadly no, I can not write a book and that makes this reading these clues easier to individuals. I can say, that individuals you don't know will make more glancing interactions (or things that might annoy you, or make you smile briefly), individuals that control an aspect of your life make power interactions (that can ruin a day instantly, or make your day), finally there's the ones closest to you which make lasting interactions (which stick with you for a long time).

Everyone’s different and that’s my best attempt to categorize the various interaction classes we face everyday. Just remember that a few words, or a gesture could start a windfall of events that you are unaware of, and it’s a better idea to think before acting.

I will continue this post tomorrow with defense mechanisms, because not all interactions should be interpreted the same way.

Finding love

I must recall an event a while ago that set a clear indication on how you know you have the right person. I'll try to leave this as vague as possible so I don't indicate any individuals as to how this event took place.

One day I was pretty pissed of, actually uber pissed off. I had a lot of work to do, and the day had yet to begin. To top things off the cops even pulled me over before I got into where I was going, and I was super (uber) pissed off. I was contemplating out driving them in my Malibu, but I realized that these attempts would have been futile. So naturally I pulled over, and the cop bitched at me for not pulling over right away but there wasn't anything wrong, he was just doing some damn routine checkup...

So after the cop incident, I rolled into the place I was going, pretty pissed off. And walk into the building. I went to my usual spot with my head down seeing the usual individuals as I walk by.. And then it hit me, almost dumbfounded, my pissedoffness was instantly relieved by a smile... I looked at her, she looked at me, and it must have lasted for a good five seconds when she asked me what I was smiling at... I respectfully said nothing, grinning ear to ear, but that's how you know.... that's how you know... I would love to know how to explain it, just looking at someone and making some connection without even speaking to them before you got there.. But I can't.

Well anywoo, since I did have a drink tonight I guess I should fall asleep..

I thought it impossible, but 5 seconds can make life worth while...

Thinking

While sitting watching CNN last night, the discovery of an interesting thought process occurred to me. It’s obvious that any individual can accomplish something when they put their mind to it. But what about the unreachable goals in our lives? If we are constantly thinking about these goals, how do we get a seemingly better grip?

Is this due to foreseeing future events, and the various paths that your consequences would correspond to? This seems like the most logical explanation, for instance if your going to work and you believe you'll be tired because you'll plan to stop at star bucks before you get into work so your more competent. I believe short term goals are easily accomplish and is something any individual can do with little or no conscious effort.

But as goals get more complex, so does the time and effort. A project due for work, hanging out with the family, or seeing a friend. Obviously the project needs to get done, but then you have to choose next which goal you'd rather be in. How can you tell an individual their time isn't worth yours? Someone could easily say why you wouldn't want to hang out with the family, but then you miss out on being there and the stories told.

Obviously there are many levels of complexity to goals. For time sake I want to jump to the complex goals "life goals". If you merely think what you want to accomplish is it possible?

Well let’s first take a step back. I believe life goals can not be consumed by a singular entity in your life. It’s true that one or two of these goals might lead you to a new area in life, but to truly accomplish a life goal isn't being entirely oriented with a singular entity such as: the job, money, friends, family, faith, happiness, love, recreation, school, location.
There are obviously goals in my life that I have still yet to fail and recognize, and if you fail to identify any of these, you will never achieve a life goal. By having one goal dominate your life and that's what you'll get.

It’s almost like a balancing act, but many people fail to realize what they want, and when they do, its too late. There is a path out there, its difficult to follow, and impossible to realize.

I must now stress the importance of my original thought.
By merely thinking can we accomplish our goals?
If you think of ideas can they get passed subconsciously? And gradually influence the people around you to accomplish life goals? People off in the distance? Or people you've never met?
I think so.-------- the three most important words in this post.

Never stop thinking because everything is possible...

We do not fully understand the consciousness of our minds, and we do not understand how powerful our brain really is.

Dream... A woman, my professor, and dad

Woke in bed with a woman, her arms around and caressed my body. two other girls lay dormant in the room, awaiting their turn. We lay still, looking at each other for hours, and then she leaves without a word. I hurry and follow her out the door, but its too late, she's gone. I come back inside and realize the family is up, hastily hurrying to make breakfast. I walk inside, my head down, cursing the gods for letting her go. I return to my room, surprised to find that the two girls are still awaiting my arrival. :-) I calm them down, and say I’ll be back soon, and leave to have breakfast with my family.

A doorbell rings, I walk to the door, professor Mathews comes out and says "how do we know this is real?", I said "exactly" as I let him in to join us for lunch. I ended up introducing him to my sister Mary. "Mary this is my professor from college, Professor Matthews." He replied that and said "George is fine" and they began to talk haste fully. I looked around the table and noticed a ball man I never met before, I was going to say something to him but I decided against it. So I left the table, not in the mood to eat, and gradually realizing I’m dreaming sat down at my computer and my dad asked me for help. I walked in the bathroom to notice that he was working on the washer and drier. But before I could do anything a volt struck his heart, he bounced immediately in the air and hit a pipe which complete the circuit. He then crashed through the floor half submerging his body. I hurried to his rescue trying to pull his body up from the floor but I realized his body was only stretching. I tried to get him out. But it was too late, he was dead...

The Days Blur Togeather

This is a collection of my thoughts for the past month... I find it hard to follow in sections but interesting none the less..

The Days Blur Together

This story begins neither here nor there. Like existence the story itself lies in its most purest form from conception. Unaltered by idle hands who corrupt authors words to reflect important facts in personal history. For history itself marches onward, reflected by the masses to display a story consumed with a singular entity to sway common perception. But a strong perception viewing stories of old and wise enough to see through the corruption can rewrite history as it should be. But in order to rewrite this perfect history, we must be willing to let go.

Not a time or place on this world can accurately identify all the passages, weed out common corruption, or validate the richness of a cause for history's written past. If history can be toyed with, how can anyone know for certain that the facts are indeed true? How many demented minds corrupted these books? Altered history? For a meaningless cause?

Money......
 alas causes eventually fade away... much like the first cause, no one will remember how, or why the universe was formed. Only speculation will remain. Much like we speculate if life once existed on mars, the same causes that might have brought life previously, will also spawn balancing causes. Our world will eventually fade into the annals of lost causes, decades, centuries, eons will once again go marked then lost... marked then lost... marked then lost... a vicious cycle...

These lost passages devour our minds, hidden beneath the surface of an iceberg. For no on knows everything, and not everything is true. What exactly a tale tells is different perspectives, and our overall goal is to find and write our perspective... Not be force fed it... These passages, however mis-guided they leave us, are needed in order to learn a most valuable lesson in life... A lesson that many individuals fail to figure out.. To always follow your dreams..

These giblets of our lives, these dreams display the world inside the world inside a world. A portal if you will, and traveling between these worlds, sections of your brain might hold one the most valuable keys to life.

But how can we follow these sections in our brain, these unused atoms that spark meaningful/meaningless ideas? It's quite simple if you could remember them. Many people think a dream is initially meaningful. Yet the average person might recall only one dream out of 8. The one dream exists for a split second unless it is somehow remembered. Written down!!

From here a funny thing occurs. Much like a imploding star these dreams are now real and the more your around people who dream the more your life will change. But the more you dream, the more lives you'll change. Atoms implode forcing ideas out into the world. Ideas that would have never been if we were not able to foresee another world.

No one knows where these dreams take us. but in life we follow them to whatever end.

Once you hit the end, down do you know its over? Does a giant wall magically appear? That says the end? It may sound preposterous but how do we know when we sleep that we are still the same person on the other side? Or lost a part of us along the way?

Are all the atoms you fell asleep with still there? Of course not, but somehow the atoms change slowly modify are brainwave functions to modify our thought process as we age. It helps us cope with our own mortality, and also displays how our atoms of other individuals come together To form coherent ideas (not always true) that are widely agreed upon.

Rapid changes in though or a renascence period occurs when individuals dream and correct the older ways. However once we get engrained in society's wrong doing; the only thing left is chaos. Governments fail because we became so dependent on a figment of our imagination.

But so in the end what is life? But just a binding of thoughts blurred together in an ever changing world, forced together roughly by individuals in power to sway common perception. To gain more power to control their power and ensure they stay in power. These thoughts, these dreams, often crush other dreams.. dreams of individuals with no power...

Understanding

Something clicked in me recently, I'm not exactly sure what it was or where it came from but I started to see things in a different light. I was simply just going on a walk down the street when the world changed... It wasn't that I planned on finding this different meaning in life, it just happened... It was like a chalkboard of meaningful phrases bombarding my head, squeezing out the lasting impressions of childhood. I can now finally admit I am no longer a child...

The beginning of this transformation took hold when I went to the vine yard hopping in New York. I though I knew a lot about beer, but all I know are hops. Completely being arrogant to the rest of the spectrum of beer that includes ingredients such as: malt, barley, sugars, spices, and etc. To be honest yes you need to balance everything out in life, and I’ve realized I can balance and understand 1 or 2 aspects of my life. However completely ignoring or rather not knowing of any other balance that exists. I thought about this lesson

How many things are you arrogant toward for just not taking enough time to understand or acquire? It sounds funny but the game in The Sims is true.
And life itself isn't all about the moments we live...
It’s about the moments we dream...
For in the end we will never wake up...
But our dreams shall live forever...
And it’s our goal to imprint our impressions, our dreams upon society...

Controlled Education

The halls of our past are painted over and over again saluting today’s heroes while the fading voices of our forefathers echo in the paints hidden meaning. A trusty scholar can pick out the certain discolorations in the walls and tell the stories that were once told there. However some of the walls are painted over completely by the king whose goal in life is to unite his people into one coherent cause, trying to iron out individuality so people work better in society.

The king decided that the only way to unite his people was to eliminate all study of the past. Thus creating a series of tests that children must pass before moving to the next stage of their life. These tests focused his people more on a standardized general test and gradually regional knowledge was lost. The king altered the test again, eliminating the dividing factors of history. This spawned the fall of countries as a singular government was erected.

Now the world is united with all his subjects working toward one singular cause. And the problems of our past faded into the halls. For future scholars now look at the halls in confusion; they're simply not able to grasp the hidden clues that lie beneath. 

Only the brightest and oldest scholars who remember the old days stare in horror as they begin to understand how he became king...

War

Wars are fought between two nations....
                      Oh,
       It's funny how nations seem to get hurt....
                           
                 People killing people is all that I see...
The nation still stands just to wage war again...

And the leaders walked outside with grins on their faces...

                 too tired of talking they bring out their guns...

and with words of hope they rally for a cause...

freedom,
          democracy....

Infidels are invading our land...

Since when did cause
              become the reason for war?

     Leaders fight
for an a number of causes,
                but greed is never a true power,

    Oil,
Is another cause,
      so I can kill my own brother...

   Money,
         another cause,
to put a bullet
        in cupids heart...

      wars,
are another way,

              for leaders to show irresponsibility...

Addiction

I want to yell at the individual who created massive multiplayer online games such as wow, eve, ever quest, and ww2 online. What you've created is what I will call "digital crack" that forces an individual to play your game as long as he can to no end. Basically putting more emphasis on an individual’s digital life then their real life. I really would like the past 2 week of my life back from playing your pathetic game, because all I wanted to do was come home and level my character up. But I wised up, I looked around my apartment and realized shit needs to be done, and my addiction toward your game needs to go.. YOU FAILED...

But then it dawned on me, everyone has their addiction...
Its not just your game, its TV, its the Sunday drive to church, the cold air from our air conditioning units, the food, the drinks, and most importantly money.

Tell me something, are we really created equal if were a society addicted to money? How is a low income family compare to the bill gates family? I thought somewhere in American society I was taught that all men are created equal... Which is now, everyone is created equal (because women figured out how to stand up for themselves (congratulations)).

Well here's a thought, lets kick this stupid money addiction, and the first place it needs to go is in the medical world. You can not be denied full medical treatment based on the color of your skin, your gender, your age, lets just add the size of your wallet to that.

How could this happen? Firstly legalize drugs, the taxes we could make off of them would pump a hell of a lot of money into the American economy that could be used to give citizens free health care. Oh and you don't have to show commercials on TV that buying drugs promotes terrorism, so terrorists won't be able to make money off of drugs (whoa were killing two birds with one stone). The whole legalization process is a complex task that proper education and laws need to be thought out.

And secondly, if people want to live unhealthy, great that's their choice in life. But the government should really push for healthy living styles. Most Americans can go to McDonalds and get a double cheeseburger for a buck... You honestly don't have the food you need to live long healthy lives, so lets fucking tax it. If you want to eat a cheeseburger lets say 3 cents will go toward the health system because you’re more likely to need health care then a person who eats a salad. This is also how the legalizing of drugs makes a lot of money for the health system. If drugs are bad for you like the government says then they'd have no problem heavily taxing individuals who buy a bag of pot, hit of acid, or an eight ball because these individuals are at a higher risk then individuals that do not use the product. What I’m saying is we already have the system in place (cigarettes) just expand it so we can live a healthy living style cheaper then living an unhealthy living style.

It is viable to have free medical care in this country. And guess what, free medical care means that companies don't have to pay 200 dollars a month for health care so employees get a 200 dollar raise a month in jobs where healthcare was a benefit. Oh one more thing before I stop the whole medical spiel, companies should not be allowed to put a patent on a drug that is life saving. We have one of the greatest epidemics occurring in Africa and the people of Africa have to pay a premium price to receive drugs that could otherwise be made cheaply. I think it’s a good idea to allow companies to help people, I think helping people is a good idea!
I know I didn't solve the money problem, maybe one day I’ll figure out how to fix it, but for now it’s a start.

Update

If we have not crossed paths in a while, he's the basic life changes I have made since leaving college.
I’m officially working for a company called Prolog in Palmerton, Pennsylvania (its about 40 minutes above Allentown/Bethlehem), and this past week was wasted looking for apartments down in that area... 

I wasn't surprised with the vast majority of places I visited, these land lords  think they have "diamonds in the ruff".  For 500 dollars a month you would think they could at least clean the carpets to make it look like its not some shady crack den.   

Luckily, through my travels I was able to find a place for 530 with everything included except cable and internet only a block away where I worked...   Its not the biggest place but not having to be concerned with the gas prices and walking to work will save a nice hunk of change weekly.   It also had a super market right next door, along with a subway, west coast video, local watering hole, and CVS pharmacy
I also found out that I'll be getting free internet and cable TV from my employer; so I’ll be saving even more once I am hired full time with Prolog....

So the job front is going great, the landlord also seemed cool, and insisted I get a two legged pet or female friend now that I'm new to the area. Its really a chore starting from scratch on the social front but my co workers are nice and I'm slowly building relationship at the office.  

Finally, once I get accustomed I will see if I can post some pictures of the area in the future so everyone can see how similar this town looks to a coal region town... 

That's it for now.

Wondering.... I don't know what you'll think when your done with this one....

Oh how many things I will elaborate on now that alcohol is now in my system.... I will first and foremost give my thanks to a drug that will eventually destroy my liver, thus ending my life... Alcohol.... Without it I would not be so out spoken and open about how I currently feel. Although, I must say that life in itself is the slowest form of death and all that we have learned in life are the lessons about the useless knowledge of existence.

Were meat and bones, simply to be crushed by a thumb as we would to an ant. Simply were a combination of senses that elaborate in five areas which include sight, sound, touch, taste, and smell. They form a reducing valve that gives us our current sight on how we think the world operates. Without this reducing valve, we are lost in the endless spectrum of shapes and colors that are not to be effected by the minuscule fifth dimension we call time. For without the reducing valve; we'd simply be awestruck staring endlessly at a flower... Admiring its beauty and saying how all life should be the same; incompatible of communicating with another individual on the endless fractals that exist within the flower...

What I'm talking about is a visionary experience... A visionary experience is a way that an individual can inadvertently alter his perception of normal reality (sight, sound, taste, touch, and smell) and can view the world in a different light. This is why America and has such a problem called alcohol and tobacco.

For In the middle ages altering the reducing valve was so much easier. Chanting or singing for a prolonged period of time created more CO2 in your system then your body could get rid of. This altered an individuals perceptions which caused them a lapse in the reducing valve that increased acceptance of outside ideas. (Aldous Huxley "Heaven and Hell" *I'll continue to use his book to explain a visionary experience*).
They also lived within a time where colors were not widespread and a visionary experience could occur simply upon seeing a piece of gold, a valuable gem, or the lighting of a city. All of which we take for granted today, but a visionary experience as Huxley puts it is not hard to experience.

As soon as our mind wonders, I believe our mind has experienced something we have yet to describe. Something that.... someday artificial intelligence might comprehend. If only we could explain how a light, a feeling, an altering of our reducing valve, makes a visionary experience to a simple binary form of ones and zeros.... Then we will have finally sealed our place in history, and ensured the continuation of our planet... Even if its not from a human form...

The Da Vinci Code

I was raised catholic, all my life and decided to go to college. I took some classes, learned how the world works and learned how to raise questions. For instance: Can anyone prove the existence of god without a shadow of a doubt?

You might have some good arguments (such as the first clause argument (simply how did the universe begin)), but in the end your left with a book that was passed down through generations upon generations of monks who lived in the dark ages. I know they probably did a lot of investigative journalism and didn't modify the bible at all when they were copying it by hand to keep it safe. *that's what you call sarcasm*

I would go on about the "tales" of the bible but were here for the Da Vinci Code. I saw a pack of cultists (aka Christians) outside my mall today protesting the showing of this movie. They said it was an insult and degrading to their faith as Christians. I rolled my window down and did my biggest fake laugh and shouted "it's a fictional movie!!!" Honestly, if you get offended by a movie that is fictional and you feel the need to tell people not to go see it and convert to Christianity so you can promote the republican movement in the country to outlaw abortion which eventually leads to a bunch of oil companies getting rich.... then..... wow you really need to wake up about what your protesting....
*That was a example of propaganda*

To be honest, a fictional movie doesn’t have to be true, it could straight out say Christianity is the devil and no one would really care... BECAUSE IT'S A MOVIE!!! The thing i really hate about the Catholic Church is our new pastor... Our old pastor was down to earth and told people to just be nice to each other treat others with respect... I mean it's good values.... However we got a new priest and every time he speaks he's talking about some miracle that recently happened. I honestly don't know where he gets his miracles but my goal is to write one of hell of a miracle and e-mail it to him on x-mas eve to see if he'll use it in his Christmas eve speech..

I also like how the passion of Christ was embraced by Christians across the nation... however you never see a Muslim movie such as the valley of the wolves being played in America that portrays Islam extremists as heroes and Americans as the enemy…Wake up America...

Don't believe every single thing your priest tells you. Watch the movie for a movie, its entertainment... Also protest something worth while like the soaring gas prices, war in Iraq, or anything our president decides is best for America... Because his word is not law and you can think for yourself.

the drunken individual side of the moon

During my college experience i learned a lot of things about the world, one important fact I learned which my roommate bob didn't is not to put beer in the refrigerator space that was not yours. Somehow a few beers got drunken. I will not use spell check for this post so i guess individuals looking for free beer can count the number of English errors and get back to me on how i did and I'll buy them a beer when we to meet......

So what shall i talk about ....sip beer...OK i got it... i guess ill talk about what i really learned by going to college.......


By going to college I learned that I don't like people... Yes individuals are interesting, but the vast majority of people you meet at college are not decent people, much like high school Their minisqual problems are self absorbed and their dependence on outside sources to indulge in their self absorbed world make me want to vomit. So i'm happy with the small group of friends i retained from college, and high school..

I learned my limits to alcohol... yes people go to college and have nights where they just get sloppy drunk and waddle around the street until they pass out.. I had those nights, but I've learned not to have these nights when driving a car.... I guess it pays to spend a good amount of money drinking at college so you don't kill yourself not knowing your limit...

There is a time for work and there is a time for play... I learned to procrastinate like a mother fucker, but when the time comes, i'll get shit done.. Scheduling your time is another important factor in going to college.

Maturing as an individual, yes i did a lot of stupid things that i shall never repeat, but the learning experience is priceless. Sometimes you have to stick your head in the toilet and flush it before you realize something was a stupid idea and college is a perfect time to exercise that experience.

Women are the best things in life, and also the worst.. the deepest of your emotions can be explored and toyed with by other individuals you let in. From the greatest mountains of ecstasy to bottomless pits of humiliation, the exploration of the opposite sex can be well..... the sum of human emotions into a finite space where a infinite amount of feelings one could experience can never be fully described because the feelings in themselves are infinite and the measurement of those feelings are deterministic, thus never the same for any individual (even when experiencing the same thing).

Taste is subjective. And individuals who can not understand that shouldn't be in college.

Your mom jokes are funny, and if you say they are old then i say your mom's old.

I learned the world often isn't fair....

Republicans suck

Democrats suck

individuals who push their own agenda and not the group of the whole are horrible individuals.

Money brings out the worst in people... It should be outlawed... But individuals will say, oh your a communist bastard, the only reason communism didn't work was because you had a dictator running the government and not a set of individuals who were set on furthering the progress of man kind.

That's what we need right now, we don't need big oil companies being like we have 20 percent profit earnings this period... i guess were making governments collapse because our goods cost too much.... oh well the individuals in that country that matter can get out and go to a stable country while the poor people can fight amongst themselves... I hate money, i hate the idea of money, i hate giving handouts to poor people, and handouts to rich people... yes if you don't know what handouts to rich people are its called the god damn mother fucking stock god damn fucking market... its simply a place where rich people can somehow make more money... and poor people don't have enough money to invest into it thus

Yes life isn't fair, so i guess i shall stop there...

Good night republic..

An Ever Changing World

Why were we placed on a rock in the middle of the universe millions of light years beyond anything of relative importance?   

We have waged war, conquered and wrote history, only to be conquered again and re-wrote history again and again.  Through infinite possibilities we now live in the world that exists as it is today.

What scares me is the thing that will ultimately ruin our society is the limiting of ideas and the value we put on a piece of paper.  Laws are in constant creation and an individuals who say democracy and free enterprise are the best system we have need to wake up because no one is equal in America anymore. 

 It seems like we have accepted a glorified fiefdom where upper class (individuals such as Paris Hilton)

can buy anything in the world and watch it burn for warmth. Whereas the lower class that needs these material goods to survive must waste an exorbitant amount of time just to make a little bit better then the status quo.

With our leaders in a constant state of argument its hard to foresee a clear vision of change for the better.  If anything it appears that until we stand up for ourselves, society in American can fall by the wayside.  

And with our ideas in a constant state of copyright how long would it take until its illegal to think with the world population reaching 10 billion people? 

Walls

I live in a canyon,close to a dam,
my house made of concrete,
and windows made from sand.

Solid red walls,
Painted the canyon hall,
full of vibrant shades,
of rock; of clay.

Water flows slowly,
cracks in the dam,
a river, gently flowing.

Only....

Twenty feet below,
My house on a plate,
high enough to with stand,
the rivers highest flow.

From there the canyon walls,
peak high overhead,
and at 12 noon ,

daylight peaks through.

I sit by the window,
startled by a noise,

So....

I glance out the window,
as sand stings my winker.

Water flowed,
High enough to break through,
what a determinant hassle,

I'll make it through,
just swim to safety,
please get in the dory,
and float daintily.

Thunder nailed the canyon walls,
as i struggled to bolt,
but to anyone's amazement,
I settled back for my rocker.

Water flowed through,
splashed my ankles,
no chance of escape,
water enveloped my cankles.

The darkened shadow erupted,
down the canyon path,
water...
scheisse...

I should of listened,
in buying a different house,
But Now I shall parish,
As that wall of water,
Engulfs my house.

Expression

Its 2:00 am, and my mind is restless racing though the future.  To ease its worried state I pop in a CD my friend Adam gave to me during our last encounter. And Frankly I'm amazing how music effects and connects us to different times and places in life.  And these new songs will continue to define our lives just like the smell you would get from your mothers lasagna when you first open the door.

I've  realize that there is a song for every situation that exists in the world and these songs express emotions go by unnoticed until they are heard.  To sing and echo as long as humanity exists is mind bending just thinking about  Elliott Smith , Jimi Hendrix, Kurt Cobain, Lynyrd Skynyrd, and John Lennon as individuals who's ability never peaked.  True artists of expression.

I've been thinking about how to express myself, but in the whole process I jumble up word choices and spend more time looking dictionary.. Eventually I can vastly improve my vocabulary but I can already foresee the limiting potential language gives....

For example:

Imagine if Abraham Lincoln sang the Gettysburg address; how spectacular the song would be. Was he content with mere words?  Or was depressed to the limiting factor that a voice was; unable to hit the highs and lows and therefore forced to deliver a mono tonal speech.

It's the building of art. A masterpiece left unfinished.... But Everything is left unfinished....To capture emotion in mere words, that's the real task...

To conclude tonight i wrote a poem:

My world began eons ago...
and will end abruptly
                                  
Everything you ever wanted
Ceases to exist
When you pass into the vale

Reducing Valve

The mind is a complex entity that is related to the brain via functionalism. Functionalism means if the brain is damaged in anyway so is the mind. Different parts of the brain correspond to different areas of how the mind reacts; so damaging a part of your brain could mean your eyesight, another part your short-term memory, another part your sense of smell.

For everything we experience in this world relies on our five senses that include sight, sound, smell, taste, and touch. These senses create the "grand reducing valve" that is our only sources of input in this world. Creatures that exist in different senses are entirely unknown to us because we have no way of understanding or studying their existence unless they could interact with the senses we can visually comprehend.

I will put god in the senses that we are unable to study because of the reducing valve. God does not exist within our senses and the belief in such an entity proves scientifically impossible. Therefore anything that exists outside our senses is scientifically impossible and the only downside to science.

Think I’m wrong? Prove it.

To Take Lead

A supreme political leader is able to adequately identify the needs of a country, move the countries resources to fill in the needs, and above all stay fair and balanced. A political groups agenda must fall by the way side for a leader to do an adequate job running a country in which multiple groups are in power. This leader must also be in the constant state of compromise; and if not up to the task, will be categorized with a singular idea that  ensures bias toward the whole.

A leader must be a grand listener, with the ability to consult reliable resources outside of his/her knowledge. Action has to be decisive and the words used by the leader must not be rushed. Speaking is the first draft of writing, so leaders must carefully choose the words to be expressed to his or her republic.

Productive

It dawned on me that my college years are numbered and it’s time to start growing up. 

While I enjoyed going to the bars and having a good time; I believe it will also be a present to not have a constant hole burning in my wallet. Besides it’s cheaper to do something more productive with your life if you learn from it, so i decided to get a drum book and a pair of new sticks.

It feels better when you have rhythm in your step, compared to the spins and light-headed feeling of drinking.  Don't get me wrong, I will still have a few drinks from time to time, but I had enough of it as a daily occurrence. Therefore in the spirit of lent, I'm going to give up this life style. Not that I'm a spiritual person, but i do believe the habit forming process of lent and produce life changing events if you can stick with it. 

Other thoughts on productivity....

My dad always said:

             "There's a time for work, and a time for play."  - Papa Bear-
 

A productive person does what?

• Only Works
• Only Plays
• Both

My roommate Dan argues that a productive person never works because they are wasting time working. Playing should be your "work" and individuals who do not realize that miss the big picture.

I counter Dan by saying, some individuals who only play miss out on the joys of work. To complete a job that you didn't intend to start makes an individual elated and glad he completed it. The feeling after the horn sounds and the money in your wallet as you go home to start something else.

Its interesting to view the two different philosophies.

I think my dad is right though; there is a time when an individual has to do something he didn't intend to fix. Otherwise the world of play wouldn't exist as it does today. It would collapse because no one would want to do the "hard work". Simply, we would be in an age far less civilized and less complex then the one we currently exist in. 

By working, we have time to play, and the right to enjoy all the gadgets and gizmos that exist because of our accomplishments or “hard work”.

Angry

Individuals who experience anger, are for the most part upset that some event occurred to themselves. Most of the time this event is out of their control, and is evoked upon by bad news, insults, or the discovery of unforeseen events. All this often leads to irrational behavior called anger.

One example of displaying anger comes very recently to me.  Like finding out that someone put a hole in your wall of the house you are living in. At the time I guess have chosen my roommates a little more wisely knowing something like this would eventually happen.  Thats what happens in college houses that people party at so here's my anger.

IF YOU DON'T HAVE THE COURTESY TO RESPECT OUR HOUSE AND RESPECT OUR PROPERTY THEN STAY THE FUCK OUT!!!

I could of got all angry about failing my lone college class (or something to that extent) and made the hole in the wall myself, but because of someone's stupid ignorant drunken activity causes me to lose my security deposit. F word, S word, thank you kind sir.

See, irrational behavior typically ensues with bold print; the second part I rewrote after some  thought so i wouldn't offend people. Angered individuals typically display: a shouting mentality, a greater tendency to break stuff, and a general pissed off aura that follows the individual around the rest of the day. I wonder if that individual was angry when he made the hole in our wall because I'd like to meet him, and display my anger now.

*** YEARS LATER ADDITION***

On the other side of the spectrum, I do remember one night where i threw up in the upstairs bathroom into the bathroom tub shortly after this event occurred.  Instead of owning up to my fault, I passed the buck and blamed the usual suspects (individuals know to throw up) and listened to the anger displayed throughout the house while they tried to guess.  Looking back its better to let the natural course of action take effect and let things blow over.

People tend to get more angry over things that cost them money then time.

Calm

In a sea of chaos known as this world, there are individuals who travel through space and time unaffected by complex situations. There mind is in perfect order as the complexities of science, math, and social problems (so on and so forth) converge into the fubar of all problems. Yet, they remain unmoved almost relaxed like they already know they're going to find the answer to the problem even though they haven't found it yet.

Most people who aren't calm can not concentrate or critically think through a situation.  To be a calm person one must have the intelligence (in books or the street) to understand a situation, which over time becomes the big picture. Ignorant people could also be calm until they are blind sided by unexpected events, which ruin their picture perfect world into utter chaos.  Thankfully they will not be alone and join their brothers in the deep oceans fighting to stay afloat as the calm captains of the sea navigate their ships to safety.

To be calm,

clear your mind...
use focus....
divide properly...
and choose wisely...

Bored

To me boredom has two separate meanings:

• Firstly I believe it is not having a meaningful present timeline in your life.
• And secondly, not having comfort in finding whats truly best for for ones self at the moment.

Anyone can lose their way from time to time, but it's not an excuse to stay down. To be bored requires an individual to be put in a situation where no possible outcome could benefit an individual greater then doing nothing.

To do nothing, an individual could by chance find more enjoyment in drinking which means to do more then nothing, and thus a dependency on alcohol evolves from the lack of activity available to an individual (lack of choices). It doesn't matter how great or small an activity is but human beings would rather accept a lower stature of life then being bored in a higher level of life.

An individual who is truly bored must be unsatisfied with their current situation and is striving to find a new or better way to improve upon the moment. If an individual is bored, then anything is possible, its mind blowing to think that a complete blank thought otherwise known as the emotion of boredom evolves to create something great. Boredom I believe is a main component in finding nirvana because we are always searching for a state of mind where we are the most satisfied about our thoughts.

To summarize: being bored in nirvana means being unsatisfied with your current state and in search for a fulfilling state. Searching is a beginning.

A Starting Point

Nirvana defined by dictionary.com is:

• 1a. Buddhism The ineffable ultimate in which one has attained disinterested wisdom and compassion.
• 1b. Hinduism Emancipation from ignorance and the extinction of all attachment.
• 2. An ideal condition of rest, harmony, stability, or joy.

I believe that nirvana must mean the ultimate experience someone can achieve throughout their lives. An experience that sums up the core of human emotions into a bread basket and explodes upon an individual; where they are at a greater understanding and realization of the meaning of life. But the question I pose is how to achieve nirvana, is an individual to always walk the right path never to fully understand the complexity behind the less meaningful way of life? Does the individual who experiences the most, who understands the world deserve to achieve nirvana if they preformed the less moral judgement but have learned from it? Or does the individual who had to flush his head down the toilet to realize they were wrong deserve nirvana because they experienced feelings no other individual else should?
To sum up the top paragraph, there are three types of individuals seeking to find nirvana:

1. Individuals With high morals
2. Individuals in the middle ground
3. Individuals with low or no morals 

***I guess sub categories for all of these could exist like a bell curve, with the majority of the*** ***population somewhere between individuals in the middle ground.***

 

How these individuals receive these morals becomes by pure chance, a luck of the draw, like picking names out of a hat to form teams. So it would really would be wrong if we excluded any group from seeking nirvana, because kids don't ask to be molded into to the lower bracket.

But how does one achieve nirvana, is nirvana a word, and a word alone. Or did someone experience it, and can that experience can be duplicated, and achieved by other individuals. To my knowledge, I have yet to find or speak to an individual who has truly found nirvana. I guess to sum the ultimate experience of nirvana then, I must define the ultimate experience individuals go through out their lives. Hate, love, sad, guilt, beauty, lonely, happy, confidence, self-worth, etc. The list can go on for a while. Hopefully Once you can fully understand these words, then maybe finding nirvana might be possible.

My roommate Dan brought up a few great points about nirvana that I would like to discuses. Dan was asking a question about the achievement of nirvana:

• Does everyone achieve nirvana in some way shape or form? Because doesn't everyone have at the very least , that one defining moment in their lives that shows them that life is a little more than what they are seeing day to day?

Or

• Is nirvana a single place or thing that only certain people will ever see that shows them how things really are?

Lets examine the first statement: A defining moment of achievement that opens the eyes of the beholder to reveal a aspect of life unseen by an individual. I see this set of individuals on the right path to achieve nirvana, although I have no idea if what they were reaching for would ultimately lead them to find nirvana. Once I hit parenthood maybe I will understand the first statement more.

My roommates second statement I defiantly agree with, that nirvana would have to be a defined place, or state of being that shows individuals how things really are. However, a defining moment could begin to open the eyes of an individual if they were seeking or now are seeking a enlightened path. In order to discover this enlightened path, one must experience a vast majority of what the world has to offer and also understand it. This defining moment can help an individual experience and understand more about the world.

I also like Dan's comment about his version of nirvana.

• I feel like if I hit nirvana, I wont even be thinking of thinking. Not to be thinking of nirvana, the universe, or life.

To not think, some would call it not existing but in Buddhism and Hinduism they believe we must break the circle of life, for all that exists in the world will be reincarnated. A greater question that I'll have to take up tomorrow would have to be:

• If we understand everything that exists, then we can begin to realize that existing is not everything. Can we experience death in life or non-existence?

For now I believe nirvana becomes the infinite understanding of life, along with with an high mental state that allows us to experience the ultimate experience. To find a corner in a circle. Thank you Dan for your input.

What a question to ask... To not exist or exist.. To answer questions that are unanswerable, or to know the wrong and find truth in it. Existing, from my current standpoint is everything, and to not exist becomes impossible in our current existence. Can we divide a thought in half just like a physical things that exist in the world?

To answer honestly, I don't know, a thing that is blue, everyone knows. But if I said my thought was bl and left the other portion of my thought over here ue, you would have no clue what bl, or ue would mean.  But we do also have objects that came together through a group of individuals. Complex electronics like the computer have a motherboard, nic card,  video card, input components, ectera that make this idea whole.  Is it too farfetched to think the color blue came about in some sort of similar way?

To conclude on tonight's quest for nirvana, I must understand the basic human emotions that drive individuals to achieve goals. One such goal humans strive for is nirvana, and the emotions that evolve to reach nirvana must be documented (so in my next posts I will be questioning the basic human emotions people experience in achieving nirvana)